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God bless, there is too much news, and it was really distracting having to stop covering it to deal with MATT GAETZ'S LITTLE NATIONAL SECURITY BREACH STUNT. But we will persevere and survive and thrive, just like the skidmarks in Matt Gaetz's Big Lots discount boxer briefs (allegedly).

So, is it GOOD or BAD for Rudy Giuliani that prosecutors in SDNY who indicted Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, AKA Rudy's Chucklefucks, have been working with prosecutors in Chicago, who are trying the case of Dmitry Firtash, the Ukrainian oligarch under house arrest in Vienna who according to US prosecutors is a front man for the Russian mob (he denies this), who has curious ties to the Chucklefucks, and who has been supplying Giuliani (through his lawyers) with bullshit affidavits to wave around on TV written by corrupt former Ukrainian prosecutors, to "prove" that Joe Biden is the real killer?

GOOD? Or VERY BAD?


The Washington Post reported last night that that is exactly what has been happening between Chicago and the SDNY, which Roodles The Clownfart used to run:

When two business associates of Rudolph W. Giuliani, President Trump's personal lawyer, were arrested this month on charges that they funneled foreign money into U.S. elections, federal prosecutors working on a different case in Chicago took note.

The investigators had previously come across the two men, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, as they pursued a long-standing case against a Ukrainian gas tycoon accused of bribery, according to two people familiar with the matter.

Just came across 'em in their investigation of Firtash! Maybe saw some of their weird money shit crossing wires with some of Firtash's weird money shit, maybe, just possibly, we are just spitballing here?

So Chicago called New York on the rotary phone and said, "OUR Chucklefuck knows YOUR Chucklefucks, isn't that WEIRD?" And a beautiful friendship began!

As we have explained previously, Firtash, upon Lanny Davis's departure from his legal team, decided at the recommendation of Chucklefuck Lev Parnas that it would be a good idea to hire as replacements a couple of rat-haired Stinky McGrossfaces from Fox News, the lawyers Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova. They, in turn, hired Parnas as an "interpreter" so they could talk Ukrainianese to Firtash.

But is it more than that?

Chicago prosecutors suspect there might be a broader relationship among Firtash, Parnas and Fruman, the people familiar with the matter said.

MAYBE IT IS MORE THAN THAT. Maybe Dmitry Firtash has been one of the primary driving forces behind the scenes in the effort to feed fake dirt on Joe Biden through back channels to Donald Trump, maybe possibly?

The Ukrainian energy mogul is now facing questions about whether he has played a shadow role in that effort.

Oh golly gee, Wonkette has been just asking questions about that one for weeks now.

Let's review:

1. Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman have been helping Rudy Giuliani in his quest to find dirty Ukrainian dirty dirts on Joe Biden, and to prove that Ukraine and the DNC were the REAL collusion, and that the hacked DNC server was buried in the backyard in Ukraine by Seth Rich's ghost. (OR SOMETHING.)

2. Firtash clearly has been trying to get Trump people on his side so they'll stop prosecuting him so much all the time, or at least maybe stop extraditing him. To do this, he hired the rat-haired stinkbombs Toensing and diGenova, who hired Lev Parnas as "translator." And indeed, Firtash, who is indicted in a massive bribery scheme, maybe possibly has been scheming to bribe Donald Trump with fake oppo research on Joe Biden that would benefit Trump politically. Indeed Bloomberg reported that they went so far as to pay the Fox News craphair lawyers A MILLION BUCKS for "representation," whether that means bringing their craphaired legal expertise to his extradition fight, or possibly to just help dig up shit on the Bidens in order to get Rudy Giuliani's help with his case. Yes, the briber has officially become ... the briber again! You know, allegedly.

3. Oh yeah, and we should mention that the Chucklefucks have also been trying to GET RIIIIIICH doing corruption in the Ukrainian natural gas industry (with Rick Perry's indirect help, apparently!), trying to shuffle the board of Naftogaz, Ukraine's state-owned energy company, and successfully (with Rudy Giuliani's help!) getting Marie Yovanovitch fired from her post as the ambassador to Ukraine, in order to install a new Naftogaz CEO friendlier to their new liquefied natural gas company. And also as a part of that, as the Washington Post reports, they believed that Naftogaz "should put aside financial disputes with Firtash, a decision that could provide a windfall of more than $1 billion for the tycoon." Isn't that nice of the Chucklefucks, putting in a good word for the Ukrainian billionaire who's allegedly a front man for the Russian mob like that?

It's important to remember here that Firtash has historically been sitting in a sweet catbird seat between Ukraine and Russia, controlling a "middleman company that sold natural gas from a Russian state-owned company to Ukraine's state-owned natural gas supplier and from the Ukrainian company to consumers," as the Post puts it. In other words, he got paid shitloads of money to stand there and do jackshit. But he's been on the outs with Naftogaz SAD EMOJI, and now do you see how nice it was of the Chucklefucks to try to get Naftogaz to be nicer to Firtash and forget about all that debt so Firtash could have a billion Ukrainian dollar bills?

With all that in mind, on a scale of one to 10, how much rage do you feel knowing that Victoria Toensing and Joe DiGenova, Firtash's attorneys, managed to get a personal one-on-one meeting with fucking Bill Barr to talk about poor Dmitry's case? Because that happened:

After taking on Firtash's case, Toensing and diGenova secured a rare face-to-face meeting with Attorney General William P. Barr and other Justice Department officials to argue against the charges, three people familiar with the meeting said.

Why the FUCK are the Fox News lawyers for Firtash sitting down with the goddamned attorney general of the United States to say PLEASE MAKE CHICAGO STOP PROSECUTING OUR UKRAINIAN RUSSIAN MOBSTER GUY FOR BRIBERY? We have consulted with Wonkette's in-house attorneys, and they say this is both "highly irregular" and "THE FUCK? NO SERIOUSLY, THE FUCKING FUCK?"

Barr declined to intercede, the people said.

Oh well God bless him for that, how great thou art, Bill Barr. (You know, if he actually didn't intercede.)

Hey, remember who else got a very improper meeting with Brian Benczkowski, the creepy head of the criminal division at Barr's Justice Department, even as he is reportedly under investigation by the SDNY?

A few weeks ago, Mr. Giuliani secured a meeting, along with some other defense lawyers, with the head of the Justice Department's criminal division and attorneys in the fraud section. They were there to discuss a foreign bribery case for a client that Mr. Giuliani described as 'very, very sensitive.'"

Definitely not the same reason diGenova and Toensing were meeting with Bill Barr, obviously not, NO THEY NEVER!

The rat-haired smell beasts from Fox News say there's nothing to see here, and that Dmitry Firtash didn't meet the Chucklefuck they hired as "translator" until this summer, so that is definitely probably true, and Rudy Giuliani says he's never met Dmitry Firtash, so that's probably even MORE true.

"I did sort of look at Firtash to see if he had any relevant information," to assist his claims, Giuliani said. "As far as I can tell, he didn't. I looked at maybe 20 of these oligarchs."

STOP TALKING, RUDY.

By the way, did we ever figure out why Rudy Giuliani was recently supposed to head off to Vienna, where Firtash lives under house arrest, right after he had lunch with the Chucklefucks, whose own trip to Vienna got canceled because it was time for jail? WE DIDN'T? Huh, somebody should follow up on that.

Watch this space, it only gets more batshit from here. Oh well, OPEN THREAD, BYE!

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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