​SDNY, Are You OK? Blink Once For 'Yes,' Blink Twice For 'Bill Barr'

Here's some weird news that is probably bad and probably tells us just what an un-American wad of dogshit Attorney General Bill Barr really is -- like, even more than we already thought he was, which is saying something.

CNN reported on Friday that the massive Southern District of New York (SDNY) investigation into Donald Trump, his children, and his business is probably almost over and will probably result in no indictments, which probably would make no goddamned sense if you consider that Trump has already been named as co-conspirator in the hush money porn payoff scheme to pay off women Trump had had affairs with while married to Melon.

A federal investigation into whether Trump Organization executives violated campaign-finance laws appears to be wrapping up without charges being filed, according to people familiar with the matter.

For months, federal prosecutors in New York have examined whether company officials broke the law, including in their effort to reimburse Michael Cohen for hush-money payments he made to women alleging affairs with his former boss, President Donald Trump. In recent weeks, however, their investigation has quieted, the people familiar with the inquiry said, and prosecutors now don't appear poised to charge any Trump Organization executives in the probe that stemmed from the case against Cohen.

Um. OK. Michael Cohen is sitting in prison for crimes Donald Trump ordered him to commit. Donald Trump Jr. signed some of the reimbursement checks to Cohen for the criminal scheme. But yet nobody else should be held culpable for this or any other thing examined in the SDNY's reportedly wide-ranging investigation. Hey, pop quiz: Know what people used to say "SDNY" stood for, as a joke? "The Sovereign District Of New York." Know why? Because literally nobody, not even main Justice, told them what to do.

But perhaps that's changed. A couple grafs down, CNN says this:

In January, one month after Cohen was sentenced to three years in prison, prosecutors requested interviews with executives at the company, CNN reported. But prosecutors never followed up on their initial request, people familiar with the matter said, and the interviews never took place.

Meanwhile, there has been no contact between the Manhattan US Attorney's office and officials at the Trump Organization in more than five months, one person familiar with the matter said.

Uh huh. Five months. What happened five months ago? Or rather, five months and one day ago? That would be the day the Senate confirmed Bill Barr as attorney general! If you'll remember, not long after that, Robert Mueller wrapped up his investigation -- and we still don't know if he did that under pressure or duress -- and submitted his report, which Barr proceeded to sit his expansive ass on, in order to seed a false narrative to the public that Mueller had found NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, and that Donald Trump was just totally fucking innocent.

And now we're learning that, at least according to CNN's sources, it was around five months ago when SDNY stopped bothering the Trump Organization. So that's weird.

Over at Talking Points Memo, they've put together a timeline and set of facts that should make us go "HENNNNGHHHH?" It includes a very interesting detail about a guy by the name of Robert Khuzami, who was originally supervising the Trump investigations, because US Attorney Geoffrey Berman was recused. But Khuzami exited his role as deputy US attorney in March -- suddenly, it seems -- to be replaced by longtime prosecutor Audrey Strauss. What does that all mean? We don't know, just telling you the facts.

The point is that all of this is weird. At least one former SDNY prosecutor agrees:

Time to start leakin', SDNY prosecutors and staff and janitors and Uber Eats drivers!

Unless this IS them leaking, because why would we have this CNN story in the first place if they weren't?




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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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