Sean Hannity would like to go to a baseball game.
And like a common Elizabeth Warren, he has a plan for that. It is a plan with many steps, because he has really thought this through . But at the end of the steps is hot dog!
Here, watch the funniest video you will ever see within the confines of this blog post:
Hannity's plan to re-open Yankee Stadium is the funniest shit I've watched in a while https: //t.co/PuunNPYzRa
— Justin Baragona (@Justin Baragona) 1587086694.0
We are not going to transcribe, we are going to number out the steps in Hannity's very simple plan for Sean Hannity Wants To Go See Yankees Now:
STEP ONE: Don't go to a baseball game if you have health issues, sorry, Sean Hannity is going to the game, you are not going, MISTER SICKY. You can go next year.
STEP TWO: Everybody who works at Yankee Stadium has to take a coronavirus test, and all the players, and also all the people who want to go to games. Don't worry, it's theAbbott test, so it will only take five minutes! Thank goodness the Trump administration has a plan for getting rapid coronavirus testing to the general population, haha no it doesn't. Anyway, Yankee Stadium's capacity is 54,251, so if you just line everybody up single-file and give them each a five-minute test, the game can start in only ... 271,000 minutes or so!
OK fine, we are being silly, they can probably test more than one person at a time.
STEP THREE: Also everybody needs to take their temperature before they go in, and if they're running fever, they gotta go home and then go to the doctor and do a bunch of contact-tracing. But NO GOVERNMENT CORONAVIRUS DATABASES!
STEP FOUR IS HOT DOGS!Sean Hannity is OK with wearing a mask, he guesses, because if he is wearing a mask, he can just eat hot dogs like this:
Let Hannity explain:
You probably could eat a hot dog! You open up your respirator [ BITE MOTION !] take a bite, and you chew it under your mask!
STEP FIVE IS BEERS!Sean Hannity would also like to drink a beer, and he is willing to do it like this:
I have to drink my beer if I'm at a game! So if I have to use a straw and SLIP IT IN, I'll do that! Whatever it takes to get my beer. I want to have a beer.
He likes beer. He just likes beer, OK?!
saturday night live drinking GIF by globaltv Giphy
Sean Hannity is just saying he would rather have his temperature taken and throatcram himself with hot dogs all weird-like and drink beer with stupid dumb straws if that means he gets to go to baseball.
So don't you let anybody say Hannity is not willing to make personal sacrifices in this dark time.
Elsewhere in his show, Hannity said HECKUVA JOB, KRISTI to South Dakota GOP Governor Kristi Noem for never even making South Dakota stay at home even a little bit. Of course, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, is currently home to the nation's largest "single source" corona hotspot, which started at the Smithfield pork plant.
Maybe Sean Hannity should go to South Dakota and teach them how to eat hot dog in the time of coronavirus, everything will be fine.
OPEN THREAD.
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I read that as "my wife dies several times a day." Thought that must be hard on the relationship.
Indeed.