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Seattle, Bellingham, Spokane, Washington: Prepare The Wine And Women

Wonkebago

Sup fuckers? Mama needs to get on the open road and water, and this time, that means SEATTLE, BELLINGHAM, and SPOKANE, WASHINGTON, YOU SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF US.


Seattle! We shall have SPECIAL GUESTS AT YOU including your new favorite Wonkette writer and co-Seattler Stephen Robinson, and Doktor Zoom, who has bought his own ticket from Boise, who the fuck even knows why. Plus Shy, baby, and the king of you, me. Join us at the newly renovated kids playground at your Discovery Park. Park at the visitors center and then walk over to see us with the DISH YOU BROUGHT TO SHARE (if you're able; honestly, there's always so much food, forget I said anything even, you're golden). We shall barbecue things at your face. Sat., Aug. 11, 4-7 p.m. Bring a sweater! You know how you get.

Bellingham! We will do the same thing with the barbecue and the shared dishes at Sunnyland Park! Sun., Aug. 12, 2-5 p.m. Our friend lives next to the park if you want to do pots in her garage like a common jazz musician.

Then we are going away FOREVER, or "almost one week." And we will see you again in

SPOKANE! Spokane, your parks website is worse than our subscription pages, that is how bad your parks website is, but we say Sun., Aug. 19, 2-5 p.m., at ... *throws dart at computer screen* ... Audubon Park! 3405 N Milton St.! Same deal, with the barbecuing and the dishes and the fun and the nice.

And then I will be very cured of all the Trump and we will all be ready to take this fucker on again forever and ever amen. You may send us gas money here because you are a dork who loves to send us gas money the end.

Also this, you, OPEN THREAD.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Earlier this week, the Ecuadorian embassy in the UK told Julian Assange that it would evict him if he didn't stop being a slob and start taking care of his cat. Assange responded today by announcing he is taking legal action and claiming Ecuador violated his human rights by making him do his own laundry and pay rent. (He is reminding us of THIS awesome dude, who sued his parents for refusing to live anymore with a dude as awesome as he.) Pretty soon they're going to tell him to do things like "get a job" and "move out." GAWD, parents and embassies offering asylum to scumbag freeloaders are just the worst!

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The bat signal has gone out in Trumpland, and the vampires are obediently flying in formation. This Khashoggi murder story isn't going away, but here in US Amurika we got bombs to sell. So the GOP Brain Trust called an emergency meeting and came up with A PLAN. What if Jamal Khashoggi was a terrorist who deserved to be beaten, dismembered with a bone saw, and have his body repatriated to Saudi Arabia in pieces distributed among his killers' luggage? Can Republicans really have sunk that far?

YES, THEY CAN. The Washington Post reports,

In recent days, a cadre of conservative House Republicans allied with Trump has been privately exchanging articles from right-wing outlets that fuel suspicion of Khashoggi, highlighting his association with the Muslim Brotherhood in his youth and raising conspiratorial questions about his work decades ago as an embedded reporter covering Osama bin Laden, according to four GOP officials involved in the discussions who were not authorized to speak publicly.

Those aspersions — which many lawmakers have been wary of stating publicly because of the political risks of doing so — have begun to flare into public view as conservative media outlets have amplified the claims, which are aimed in part at protecting Trump as he works to preserve the U.S.-Saudi relationship and avoid confronting the Saudis on human rights.

Wow, that's pretty fuckin' evil, even by the debased standards of today's GOP! But if that's what it takes to protect Trump and Kush, Fox is here to oblige. Here's Harris Faulkner on the curvy couch wondering if maybe Jared Kushner's BFF Mohammed bin Bonesaw even has time to order the murder of a dissident reporter since, "He's dealing with a whole host of other issues over there." He's probably too busy, like, washing his manly beard to murder people outside Saudi Arabia, right?

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