Sup fuckers? Mama needs to get on the open road and water, and this time, that means SEATTLE, BELLINGHAM, and SPOKANE, WASHINGTON, YOU SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF US.

Seattle! We shall have SPECIAL GUESTS AT YOU including your new favorite Wonkette writer and co-Seattler Stephen Robinson, and Doktor Zoom, who has bought his own ticket from Boise, who the fuck even knows why. Plus Shy, baby, and the king of you, me. Join us at the newly renovated kids playground at your Discovery Park. Park at the visitors center and then walk over to see us with the DISH YOU BROUGHT TO SHARE (if you're able; honestly, there's always so much food, forget I said anything even, you're golden). We shall barbecue things at your face. Sat., Aug. 11, 4-7 p.m. Bring a sweater! You know how you get.

Bellingham! We will do the same thing with the barbecue and the shared dishes at Sunnyland Park! Sun., Aug. 12, 2-5 p.m. Our friend lives next to the park if you want to do pots in her garage like a common jazz musician.

Then we are going away FOREVER, or "almost one week." And we will see you again in

SPOKANE! Spokane, your parks website is worse than our subscription pages, that is how bad your parks website is, but we say Sun., Aug. 19, 2-5 p.m., at ... *throws dart at computer screen* ... Audubon Park! 3405 N Milton St.! Same deal, with the barbecuing and the dishes and the fun and the nice.

And then I will be very cured of all the Trump and we will all be ready to take this fucker on again forever and ever amen. You may send us gas money here because you are a dork who loves to send us gas money the end.

Also this, you, OPEN THREAD.