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You guys, hi, hello, it is almost the holiday weekend, so we are going to share you a real video posted last night by "Doctor" Sebastian "Don't Call Me A Nazi" Gorka, that hilarious old knucklecuck. We guess now that he had to give up (or gave up voluntarily!) his Fox News contract, he just makes videos for the Twitter. Hoo ... ray?

Anyway, Gorka is super-excited that Donald Trump issued that order last night, giving Bill Barr all kinds of new powers to expose the Deep State for what it is and PROVE once and for all that the gremlins who live inside Trump's diarrhea are correct when they say Hillary ordered the Deep State to do an illegal witch hunt to Trump, yadda yadda yadda, you've seen these people huff paint before, we don't have to type it all.

Here is the video, after which Wonkette will either transcribe it OR we will provide our own dramatic interpretation. Which one will it be? We don't know! Would you be able to tell the difference between the two? We don't know!


ZISS IS "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM MY BOUDOIR!

ZEE DAY HAS FINALLY COME! I DID NOT SINK ZISS DAY VOULD COME RIGHT NOW BUT IT COME RIGHT NOW!

ZEE ERA OF NANCY PELOSI HURTING ZONALD ZHRUMP'S FEELINGS IS OV-UH!

ZONALD ZHRUMP HAS RELEASED ZEE KRAKEN!

I VAS BORN IN LONDON BUT I TALK LIKE ZISS!

I KEEP GETTING A TICKET WHEN I PAHK MY FOUR-CYLINDER MUSTANG ILLEGALLY!

BUT VHEN ZONALD ZHRUMP IS FINISHED, I VILL NO LONGER HAVE TO PAY ZEE TICKET! THE KRAKEN WILL EAT ZEE TICKET!

ANY-VAY! "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA LOSE HIS PLACE IN SPOOKY VIDEO, WILL GET BACK ON TRACK NOW!

BILL BARR VILL NOW GET TO DECLASSIFY EVERY-ZING ZEE DEEP STATE DID TO SPY ON ZONALD ZHRUMP, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPEN NOW?

"DOCTOR" GORKA TELL YOU!

VEE VILL FIND OUT ZEE TRUTH ABOUT WHO STARTED ZEE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION! EVEN ZHOUGH VEE ALREADY KNOW IT BECAUSE VEE ARE CAPABLE OF READING A NEWSPAP-UH ALL BY OUR FUCKING SELF!

AND VHEN VEE FIND OUT?

JAMES CLAPP-UH AND LORETTA LYNCH AND BAAACHCHHCHKAAAACHK OBAMA?????????

...

...

...

VILL EAT EACH OTH-UH!!!!!!!!

media3.giphy.com

ZISS HAPPEN IN NEXT TWO DAYS!

OK WELL ANY-VAY "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA HAVE TO GO NOW!

I HAVE TO GO PLAY WITH MY GEAR SHIFT-UH! ON MY MUSTANG! VHICH IS DOUBLE-PARKED RIGHT NOW!

SIEG HEIL, I MEAN, OH NO FIDDLESTICKS! "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA DID NOT MEAN TO SAY SIEG HEIL LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

GOD BLESS AMERICA OR VHATEVER!

ZEE END.

It's your open thread, that's right, we're knocking the fuck off early and you can't stop us. Goodbye.

[h/t Charlie Sykes on Twitter]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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