Donate

You guys, hi, hello, it is almost the holiday weekend, so we are going to share you a real video posted last night by "Doctor" Sebastian "Don't Call Me A Nazi" Gorka, that hilarious old knucklecuck. We guess now that he had to give up (or gave up voluntarily!) his Fox News contract, he just makes videos for the Twitter. Hoo ... ray?

Anyway, Gorka is super-excited that Donald Trump issued that order last night, giving Bill Barr all kinds of new powers to expose the Deep State for what it is and PROVE once and for all that the gremlins who live inside Trump's diarrhea are correct when they say Hillary ordered the Deep State to do an illegal witch hunt to Trump, yadda yadda yadda, you've seen these people huff paint before, we don't have to type it all.

Here is the video, after which Wonkette will either transcribe it OR we will provide our own dramatic interpretation. Which one will it be? We don't know! Would you be able to tell the difference between the two? We don't know!


ZISS IS "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM MY BOUDOIR!

ZEE DAY HAS FINALLY COME! I DID NOT SINK ZISS DAY VOULD COME RIGHT NOW BUT IT COME RIGHT NOW!

ZEE ERA OF NANCY PELOSI HURTING ZONALD ZHRUMP'S FEELINGS IS OV-UH!

ZONALD ZHRUMP HAS RELEASED ZEE KRAKEN!

I VAS BORN IN LONDON BUT I TALK LIKE ZISS!

I KEEP GETTING A TICKET WHEN I PAHK MY FOUR-CYLINDER MUSTANG ILLEGALLY!

BUT VHEN ZONALD ZHRUMP IS FINISHED, I VILL NO LONGER HAVE TO PAY ZEE TICKET! THE KRAKEN WILL EAT ZEE TICKET!

ANY-VAY! "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA LOSE HIS PLACE IN SPOOKY VIDEO, WILL GET BACK ON TRACK NOW!

BILL BARR VILL NOW GET TO DECLASSIFY EVERY-ZING ZEE DEEP STATE DID TO SPY ON ZONALD ZHRUMP, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPEN NOW?

"DOCTOR" GORKA TELL YOU!

VEE VILL FIND OUT ZEE TRUTH ABOUT WHO STARTED ZEE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION! EVEN ZHOUGH VEE ALREADY KNOW IT BECAUSE VEE ARE CAPABLE OF READING A NEWSPAP-UH ALL BY OUR FUCKING SELF!

AND VHEN VEE FIND OUT?

JAMES CLAPP-UH AND LORETTA LYNCH AND BAAACHCHHCHKAAAACHK OBAMA?????????

...

...

...

VILL EAT EACH OTH-UH!!!!!!!!

media3.giphy.com

ZISS HAPPEN IN NEXT TWO DAYS!

OK WELL ANY-VAY "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA HAVE TO GO NOW!

I HAVE TO GO PLAY WITH MY GEAR SHIFT-UH! ON MY MUSTANG! VHICH IS DOUBLE-PARKED RIGHT NOW!

SIEG HEIL, I MEAN, OH NO FIDDLESTICKS! "DOCTOR" SEBASTIAN GORKA DID NOT MEAN TO SAY SIEG HEIL LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

GOD BLESS AMERICA OR VHATEVER!

ZEE END.

It's your open thread, that's right, we're knocking the fuck off early and you can't stop us. Goodbye.

[h/t Charlie Sykes on Twitter]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

Giphy

SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc