Senate Republicans Present Participation Trophy To President Needy McLoserpants

Senate Republicans Present Participation Trophy To President Needy McLoserpants

This weekend the National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) presented its inaugural Champion for Freedom Award to Donald Trump in apparent recognition of his successful campaign to free the GOP from control of the White House, Senate, and House of Representatives.

Well, they put it somewhat differently.

"This weekend, NRSC Chairman Rick Scott presented President Donald J. Trump with the NRSC's inaugural Champion for Freedom Award," the NRSC said on its website. "This award is presented to conservative leaders who have worked tirelessly to create good jobs, protect the values that make our country great, and stop the Democrats' socialist agenda."

The NRSC fails to specify whether this honoraria was bestowed before or after Trump called the top Senate Republican a "dumb son of a bitch." It's probably not a coincidence the announcement was held until Monday, with the NRSC just mumbling something about "this weekend."

You can tell how seriously they took this exercise by the fact that it took place before lunch service in the Mar-a-Lago dining room. How long was Rick Scott's body man carrying this stupid fruit bowl around before the Florida Senator finally managed to grab Trump off the links and hand him this MAJOR AWARD while flashing his best batboy smile to the waiting photographer?

Because participation trophies are bad! Except when they're good!

Like when you need to mollify the vicious dotard to whom you've inexplicably handed control of your party. Or when you're terrified that the dotard will follow through on his threats to frag his own Republican soldiers for being insufficiently loyal. Or in situations where your figurehead is a raving maniac who got booted off social media for inciting an insurrection, and you hope that if you tweet a photo of him he'll quit threatening to blow up your party and wander back out to the golf course where he can do no harm.

Perhaps the NRSC was concerned that the hundreds of thousands of dollars the RNC and other GOP groups spent on bookings at Trump's hotels this weekend might not be a sufficient bribe to keep the former president from running his mouth. Regardless, the Fuck Your Feelings party has resorted to making up prizes for the Dear Leader in recognition his great achievements.

"As president, Donald Trump delivered for the American people by appointing three pro-Constitution judges to the Supreme Court, cutting taxes for middle-class families and job creators, and securing the border," the NRSC chirped, oblivious that those first two glorious feats were accomplished by that "dumb son of a bitch" Mitch McConnell blowing up the filibuster rule and snookering the parliamentarian with hokum about increasing tax revenue by cutting taxes. Also, the border was no more "secure" under Trump, who never actually built that stupid wall and only succeeded in making the crossing much more dangerous and painful for would-be migrants.

But truth is not the point here! The Dear Leader loves bling, and the NRSC is going to make sure he gets it.

Tune in next week when GOP Rep. Tom Emmer shows up at shows up at Mar-a-Lago to present the National Republican Congressional Committee's first annual Bigly Handsomest Real Greatness Again award to the American with the manliest hands for reshaping America.

You know, or SOMETHING like that. Allegedly!




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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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