Senate to Lose Third of 'Chuck Caucus'
Nebraska Senator and cranky old anti-war Republican Chuck Hagel has finally made that big announcement he promised us months ago. Turns out that instead of running for President he's going to make good on his term limit promise and retire from electoral politics forever or until he gets bored and decides to run for something again in a couple years. This leaves the Senate in utter disarray with only Senators Grassley and Schumer representing the all-important "Chuck" constituency.
But if, as some observers predict, a certain former Senator, current New School president, and admitted war criminal enters the race to replace Chuck, the Senate can hold out hope that its number of Kerr(e)ys will return to its previous high of 2, unseen since 9/11. That's right, Bob Kerrey, the one who wiped out villages in Vietnam instead of just spitting on soldiers with Jane Fonda, wants back in to America's legislative clubhouse. Running a lame hippie college is totally boring!
The Republicans hope some dude named Mike runs for the seat. He is apparently our Secretary of Agriculture!