Senate's Dumbest Republican Schedules Russian Attack On Election For 'In About A Week'

Ron Johnson is saying the quiet part loud again.

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinelreports that Johnson, on a call with reporters, said that his Senate Homeland Security Committee would at long last be releasing the carefully timed results of its fake, Kremlin-inspired investigation into Joe Biden's NEFARIOUS BEHAVIORS in Ukraine "in about a week." You know, because of how it is a totally serious investigation into a totally real thing, and not at all a wackass attack on Biden for the president Johnson serves with such devotion:

"Stay tuned. In about a week we're going to learn a whole lot more of Vice President Biden's unfitness for office," said Johnson.

STAY TUNED FOR RUSSIAN ATTACK, said Johnson. They don't call him the Senate's Dumbest Republican for nothin'!

You'd think Senator Johnson might give that chicken a break from him fucking it, maybe let the chicken have a snack or something, but no.

You'd think Senator Johnson might take a cold shower and STFU after Donald Trump's own Treasury Department sanctioned Andriy Derkach, the pro-Russian Ukrainian who's been one of the prime sources of fake news for Johnson's totally real investigation, as a prime launderer of Russian desinformatziya for this year's election attack. That happened LAST WEEK.

And after William Evanina, director of the National Counterintelligence and Security Center (NCSC), which is part of Trump's Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI), identified Derkach specifically as spearheading a current and ongoing Russian attack on the election.

Even after Johnson's own fellow Republican senators, Richard Burr and Marco Rubio, told Johnson and his pal Chuck Grassley to cut it the FUCK out.

Even though the CIA has been performatively ignoring Johnson's requests in this investigation, because according to Politico's reporting, the CIA doesn't want to inadvertently participate in a Russian election attack by helping Johnson.

Gang of Eight Democrats warnedin July that "Congress appears to be the target of a concerted foreign interference campaign," specifically referring in a classified annex to Johnson's fake investigation.

Johnson will scream up and down that Derkach is not his source, because he's either a liar or even stupider than he looks. Yes, there's been an intermediary named Andrii Telizhenko, who has also been identified by the FBI as a person spreading Russian bullshit propaganda about the Bidens, much of which comes from Derkach.

Point is, there is a telephone-game-type trail to how this Kremlin propaganda is being laundered into the Senate's Dumbest Republican's very tiny and impressionable brain.

If you'd like to dig deeper into just how many ways Derkach's Biden bullshit — and Russia's Biden bullshit in general — has snaked its way into Ron Johnson's rectum, JustSecurity has a great piece for you, with a section called "Russia's many paths to Sen. Johnson." They involve the aforementioned Ukrainian pro-Russian bad actors just calling his office, to which he always apparently replies "SUP!" because that's how eager he is to help Russia attack the election. It also involves the exact same characters doing the snaky rectum thing to Rudy Giuliani, who is always down for that, allegedly.

This plot has been going on for quite a while now. It goes all the way back to the Russian attack on the 2016 election, when Russia — with the help of its trusty boy Paul Manafort and his Russian spy friend Konstantin Kilimnik — started seeding a fake narrative that actually UKRAINE was the REAL COLLUSION with the DEMOCRATS. And it's just evolved since then. Russia obviously pegged Senator Ron Johnson early on as the easiest, stupidest mark for its campaign to use Congress to ratfuck Biden and help Trump.

Hell, Donald Trump was impeached for extorting Ukraine to give him a bullshit announcement about fake investigations into Joe Biden and Hunter Biden and Burisma, the energy company on whose board Hunter Biden sat. At heart, it's based on the stupid propaganda lie, pushed by the Kremlin, that ACTUALLY when Joe Biden told Ukraine to fire a corrupt prosecutor in 2016 — as was the stated position of the American government and basically the whole rest of the developed world — he was doing it to protect Hunter, because that corrupt prosecutor was going to EXPOSE HUNTER. Or something. It's really stupid.

Ron Johnson's investigation is the same investigation Donald Trump couldn't get from the president of Ukraine.

Andrew Bates from the Biden campaign responded in the Journal Sentinel:

Biden campaign spokesman Andrew Bates accused Johnson of "wasting months diverting" the Homeland Security committee "away from any oversight of the catastrophically botched federal response to the pandemic."

"Why? To subsidize a foreign attack against the sovereignty of our elections with taxpayer dollars — an attack founded on a long-disproven, hardcore right-wing conspiracy theory that hinges on Senator Johnson himself being corrupt and that the Senator has now explicitly stated he is attempting to exploit to bail out Donald Trump's re-election campaign," Bates said.

In the same call with reporters, Johnson said Trump should really win a number of Nobel Peace Prizes, because Johnson is that pathetic. Democratic Rep. Mark Pocan responded that ACTUALLY Johnson should get the "lips-firmly-attached-to-someone's-buttocks award" for saying that, because members of Congress don't usually go all the way in for the rimjob joke, like a common Wonkette.

Anyway, the good news is that in this news climate, Johnson probably won't make much of a splash. It's all so convoluted and bullshit, and nobody believes President Russian Propaganda and his minions like Johnson, at least nobody that doesn't trust them already.

Still, much fuckery lies ahead!

[Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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