A private subway system and private gym and private restaurants and private conference rooms and massive suites of fine offices isn't enough for hard-working Members of Congress -- they also need secret crypts hidden all over the Capitol so they can booze it up or fuck a page. These precious freedoms are known as "hideaways," and they are heavily guarded by Capitol Police.

Here are some apparently true details about the beloved whore-huts:

* "One senator drew on his roots as a pilot and designed his hideaway space as a cockpit, where he donned a telephone headset to communicate with ground control -- his staff across the street."

* James Inhofe has one of those chrome Jesus fish on his hideaway's door: Don't come knockin' if that fish is rockin'!

* Rahm Emanuel's has a wood-burning fireplace and probably a bunch of Richard Pryor albums!

* LBJ fucked secretaries in his hideaway at the end of a long day of work -- oh, right, he called it "taking dictation." Get it??

* There's a guy who comes around before lunchtime and stocks the "escape rooms" with "wine and cocktail glasses, ice, fresh flowers and whatever else he thought senators wanted or needed."

* "When Sen. Patrick Leahy wants privacy, he heads down one of the Capitol's marbled hallways and through a locked door next to a hulking, white marble statue. Then, through another locked door, into a hideaway secure from the bustle outside."

Hideaways offer US senators a respite from the hubbub, an occasional place for mischief [IHT]