Seth Moulton's Flawless Victory Over Nancy Pelosi Is Flawless. Also Hilarious.


How quickly things change! It seems like it was just five minutes ago that moderate Massachusetts Rep. Seth Moulton was valiantly riding in on a steed, cloaked in a shroud of civility, to vanquish Nancy Pelosi and replace her with, um, somebody who sucks whose name is TBD. He had a letter! It was from all these congresspeople, and they were swearing up and down they were going to deny Nancy Pelosi the speakership and give it to ... um, what is Marcia Fudge doing? She is a lady who is not Nancy Pelosi! Marcia Fudge will do the thing! Oh wait, she doesn't want it? Oh fiddlesticks.

Let's just say the Thanksgiving holidays have kind of tryptophan-ed Seth Moulton's plans right in the dick, and yet he is STILL making demands, as he negotiates his surrender.

A high-profile critic of House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi signaled on Monday that he is seeking to hold negotiations with her about changes to her leadership team, a development that makes her ascendancy to the speakership likelier as her opponents continue to struggle to recruit a challenger.

He wants a pony, right? And then he and his little buddies will go away?

NO! He wants OTHER STUFF! And when he doesn't get OTHER STUFF, he'll ask for a pony, and when he doesn't get that he'll get nothing and he'll fucking like it, courtesy of Nancy You're Goddamned Right Pelosi.

Specifically Moulton is open to mansplaining to Nancy Pelosi why Steny Hoyer and Jim Clyburn shouldn't be House majority leader and majority whip, respectively, so she's got to be breathing a huge fucking sigh of relief over that. Of course, there's no reason to believe she wants to hear Mister Flap-Yap's opinions on the subject, as Washington Post helpfully notes.

This is what he really wants, apparently:

Hahahahahahaha OMG LOL WTF LMAO! In other words, nope.

But, you know, maybe? Pretty please? Seth Moulton is still in a position to make demands, sir yes sir?

Still, associates of Moulton, 40, said he is hoping to sit down with Pelosi to discuss possible terms for the support of his group, in particular possibly rallying behind a younger member to be House majority leader or House majority whip, with an emphasis on bringing in a new generation to the leadership in the wake of the Democrats' sweeping gains in the midterm elections.


Oh and one more thing, if Seth Moulton could just extract this one promise from Nancy Pelosi, before Seth Moulton realizes that Seth Moulton is very sorry for being such a fucking Seth Moulton about all this?

"If she can publicly guarantee that she'll only be there for one year as a transitional figure, and that there will be elections for the leadership next fall, some people are more than willing to talk through that at this point," one House Democratic adviser said.

You know what? Fuck off.

Nancy Pelosi knows it's time to groom younger members for leadership positions. In fact, we would bet this shiny quarter we just found behind Seth Moulton's ear that she's already been doing it, quietly, behind the scenes. You know who she's grooming? People who aren't going on CNN like a bunch of dickheads talking about why Nancy Pelosi is great but actually fuck Nancy Pelosi. People who aren't buying into Republican lies about Nancy Pelosi being bad and divisive. People, quite frankly, who aren't Seth Moulton.

So yes, there will be younger leadership, and it will happen when Nancy Pelosi is ready to set her little birdies free and let them fly, because she's taught them how to kick ass.

And no, she will not be writing ransom checks and putting "I promise to only be speaker for one year, if it pleaseth Mister Seth The Sensible Centrist Moderate Milquetoast Douchebag Crapsack."

Get the fuck all the way out of here. And come over HERE, where it is your OPEN THREAD!

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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