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Seth Moulton's Flawless Victory Over Nancy Pelosi Is Flawless. Also Hilarious.

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How quickly things change! It seems like it was just five minutes ago that moderate Massachusetts Rep. Seth Moulton was valiantly riding in on a steed, cloaked in a shroud of civility, to vanquish Nancy Pelosi and replace her with, um, somebody who sucks whose name is TBD. He had a letter! It was from all these congresspeople, and they were swearing up and down they were going to deny Nancy Pelosi the speakership and give it to ... um, what is Marcia Fudge doing? She is a lady who is not Nancy Pelosi! Marcia Fudge will do the thing! Oh wait, she doesn't want it? Oh fiddlesticks.

Let's just say the Thanksgiving holidays have kind of tryptophan-ed Seth Moulton's plans right in the dick, and yet he is STILL making demands, as he negotiates his surrender.


A high-profile critic of House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi signaled on Monday that he is seeking to hold negotiations with her about changes to her leadership team, a development that makes her ascendancy to the speakership likelier as her opponents continue to struggle to recruit a challenger.

He wants a pony, right? And then he and his little buddies will go away?

NO! He wants OTHER STUFF! And when he doesn't get OTHER STUFF, he'll ask for a pony, and when he doesn't get that he'll get nothing and he'll fucking like it, courtesy of Nancy You're Goddamned Right Pelosi.

Specifically Moulton is open to mansplaining to Nancy Pelosi why Steny Hoyer and Jim Clyburn shouldn't be House majority leader and majority whip, respectively, so she's got to be breathing a huge fucking sigh of relief over that. Of course, there's no reason to believe she wants to hear Mister Flap-Yap's opinions on the subject, as Washington Post helpfully notes.

This is what he really wants, apparently:

Hahahahahahaha OMG LOL WTF LMAO! In other words, nope.

But, you know, maybe? Pretty please? Seth Moulton is still in a position to make demands, sir yes sir?

Still, associates of Moulton, 40, said he is hoping to sit down with Pelosi to discuss possible terms for the support of his group, in particular possibly rallying behind a younger member to be House majority leader or House majority whip, with an emphasis on bringing in a new generation to the leadership in the wake of the Democrats' sweeping gains in the midterm elections.

Cool.

Oh and one more thing, if Seth Moulton could just extract this one promise from Nancy Pelosi, before Seth Moulton realizes that Seth Moulton is very sorry for being such a fucking Seth Moulton about all this?

"If she can publicly guarantee that she'll only be there for one year as a transitional figure, and that there will be elections for the leadership next fall, some people are more than willing to talk through that at this point," one House Democratic adviser said.

You know what? Fuck off.

Nancy Pelosi knows it's time to groom younger members for leadership positions. In fact, we would bet this shiny quarter we just found behind Seth Moulton's ear that she's already been doing it, quietly, behind the scenes. You know who she's grooming? People who aren't going on CNN like a bunch of dickheads talking about why Nancy Pelosi is great but actually fuck Nancy Pelosi. People who aren't buying into Republican lies about Nancy Pelosi being bad and divisive. People, quite frankly, who aren't Seth Moulton.

So yes, there will be younger leadership, and it will happen when Nancy Pelosi is ready to set her little birdies free and let them fly, because she's taught them how to kick ass.

And no, she will not be writing ransom checks and putting "I promise to only be speaker for one year, if it pleaseth Mister Seth The Sensible Centrist Moderate Milquetoast Douchebag Crapsack."

Get the fuck all the way out of here. And come over HERE, where it is your OPEN THREAD!

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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