Shame Terrorists Attacked The Capitol Because Sarah Huckabee Sanders Never Got Her Chicken Dinner

It is done, at least in the House. Donald Trump is impeached, again, for the second time. It was the biggest bipartisan vote for impeachment in history, which is great. Of course, there have only been four impeachments in American history and Trump's crimes are responsible for half of them.

Ten Republicans joined every Democrat to impeach the motherfucker. On one hand, it's horrifying and disgusting that only 10 Republicans found the integrity and spine to take that vote, after they all experienced Trump inciting his insurgents into such a frothing rage that they breached the Capitol, seemingly to try to kill them. But then again, we also have been hearing from Democratic congressmen like Jason Crow that their Republican colleagues have said privately that they really wanted to vote for impeachment, except they're worried Trump's thugs might murder them and their families, because Trump's America is like a messed up amateur hour version of Russia. But oh well, hashtag courage, you guys!

The Republicans who voted for Trump's impeachment were Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, Dan Newhouse, Anthony Gonzalez, John Katko, Peter Meijer, Tom Rice, Fred Upton, Jaime Herrera Beutler, and Anthony Valadao. Four Republicans did not vote, we assume because they are cowards. (To be fair, maybe they were pooping the whole time, or maybe there were other reasons, don't know, don't care, not looking it up.)

Newhouse announced his vote for the article of impeachment during Wednesday's debate, and was greeted with cheers from patriots.

But then there were all the other Republicans who talked. Oh my God. There were the "heartfelt" calls for "unity" from bastards who as recently as five minutes ago were participating in Trump's Big Lie about winning an election he lost, the Big Lie that Trump has been using for the past several months to incite the attack that happened last Wednesday. To those Republicans, we say go fuck yourself.

However, we think our favorites of all were the Republicans who put on their very favorite Taylor Swift song and cried out "Look What You Made Me Do," because of how actually those Capitol terrorists wouldn't have even been Capitol terrorists if Democrats hadn't been so MEAN. Democratic Rep. Jamie Raskin had enough of it, saying it's pretty fuckin' rich to hear over and over that these folks "wouldn't be trying to kill us if we weren't so MEAN to them."

GOP Rep. Tom McClintock said maybe this wouldn't have happened if we had just prosecuted more Black Lives Matter and Antifas. QAnon jackass Lauren Boebert screamed "I CALL BULLCRAP" for some reason or another, it was funny.

But the best, by far, was Ken Buck of Colorado, usually one of the more quiet clowns of the House, who launched into this diatribe about why the Capitol terrorist attack REALLY happened.

BUCK: Americans were frustrated when they learned that the FBI was investigating the Trump campaign.

Yes, well, when there's that much evidence that Russia is helping a presidential candidate steal an election ...

They were frustrated to learn that the Obama administration and the DNC had created this false campaign against the Trump administration.

That didn't happen. That's one of the smaller lies that led to Trump's Big Lie.

They were frustrated, Madam Speaker, when the inauguration of the president was boycotted by over 40 Democrat [sic] members of this House.

The Capitol was terrorist attacked because some Democrats didn't go to the Trump inauguration.

They were frustrated to read in the Washington Post the day after the inauguration, "Let the impeachment begin."

The Capitol was terrorist attacked because the Washington Post said something mean.

And then, the socialists in Hollywood joined their allies in Congress!

Oh no, the socialists.

Robert DeNiro said that he wanted to punch the president in the face!

The Capitol was terrorist attacked because Robert DeNiro was mean.

Madonna thought about blowing up the White House!

The Capitol was terrorist attacked because Madonna expressed her frustration impertinently at the Women's March!

Kathie Lee Griffin held up a likeness of the president's beheaded head!


(He did, he said Kathie Lee, we think he is confused.)

Anyway, the Capitol was attacked because Kathy Griffin did a MEAN PHOTO SHOOT.

And nothing was said by my colleagues at that point in time.


In fact, one Democrat colleague said that Trump supporters should be harassed wherever they are, in the street, in supermarkets.

Maxine Waters did not say that about Trump supporters, she said it about Trump administration co-conspirators we mean officials, but she didn't call for violence against them.

During this time the president was under investigation by a special counsel who found no collusion, no conspiracy with Russia.

Now that's just a fucking lie. Bob Mueller's report found MANY odd communications and connections between Trump people and Russians, and stated openly that if Trump's crime pals hadn't hidden and deleted their communications and lied to investigators, like common crime pals, he might have been able to establish conspiracy. But as it was, because of all the obstruction of justice, he could not.

We'd call this one of the semi-Big Lies that led to Trump's Great Big Fascist Lie. Also, the GOP-led Senate Intelligence Committee's report went even further than Mueller, like for instance stating outright that the dude Paul Manafort gave secret Rust Belt polling data in 2016 was a fucking Russian spy.

The president's supporters were harassed. Ajit Pai, the head of the FCC, was called a "dirty, sneaky Indian."

The Capitol was terrorist attacked because somebody said something racist in a comments section on the FCC website. (Which they shouldn't have said!)

The press secretary, Sarah Sanders, was kicked out of a restaurant for being a Trump employee.

There it is!


"Look what you made them do," indeed.

So that's how that went.

Democratic Rep. Seth Moulton noted during the debate that there are more troops in DC right now than there are in Afghanistan, and they're there because of what Trump's actions have wrought. There are troops quartered in the Capitol for the first time since the War of 1812, because Trump has incited these freaks to commit heinous levels of violence, and the peaceful transfer of power and the inauguration of Joe Biden next Wednesday are indeed in danger.

That's why this happened yesterday. That's why Trump is impeached, again. The only consolation is that Trump's presidency is ending in all the humiliation and ignominy it deserves.

Six days left, unless Trump decides to resign and try to make Mike Pence pardon him. Good fucking riddance.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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