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Shhh! Don't Tell Anyone About Mitch McConnell's Secret Plan To Overturn Obamacare

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Clearly, this particular portion of yr Wonkette has done something terribly wrong. First, we had to climb theword-mountain of stupid that is Megan McArdle and today we have to self-flagellate by reading this endless cockgobbling National Journal story about Mitch McConnell wherein we learn that he has a secret plan to repeal Obamacare. We're not sure how this can be secret when we've had anchor-baby Ted Cruz and hangdog-faced Paul Ryan whine endlessly about repeal JUST THIS MONTH? Well, apparently Mitch McConnell's plan to repeal will be awesome and successful because it takes about 12 hours of reading to explain it:


McConnell, a master of byzantine Senate procedure, immediately realized that, as a tax, the individual mandate would be subject to the budget reconciliation process, which exempted it from the filibuster. In other words, McConnell had just struck upon how to repeal Obamacare with a simple majority vote.

The Kentucky Republican called a handful of top aides into his office and told them, “Figure out how to repeal this through reconciliation. I want to do this.” McConnell ordered a repeal plan ready in the event the GOP took back control of the Senate in November — ironic considering Democrats used the same process more than two years earlier in a successful, last-shot effort to muscle the reforms into law.

Mitch McConnell, yr Wonkette never met LBJ, but you, sir, are no LBJ when it comes to being a fucking Master of the Senate. LBJ would shit all over you, literally, because he was LBJ. Also, too...your genius plan was to win back the Senate and have a new vote? How could any one man come up with something so devious and brilliant??? No one would else would have ever thought of that!

What other amazing never-before-imagined seeeeekrit things is McConnell doing? Printing a bill THAT EVERYONE CAN ACCESS and wheeling the thing around to show that it is big we guess? Or maybe that Mitch McConnell likes to kill trees? Or maybe that Mitch McConnell is a fucking drama queen attention whore?

McConnell’s office has assembled the law’s 19,842 new regulations into a stack that is 7 feet high and wheeled around on a dolly. The prop even has it’s own Twitter account, @TheRedTapeTower.

“All you got to do is look at that high stack of regulation and you think, ‘How in the world is anybody going to be able to comply with all this stuff?’ ” GOP Sen. Orrin Hatch, told National Journal. “And I’m confident that the more the American people know of the costs, the consequences, the problems with this law, then someday there are going to be some Democrats who are going to join us in taking apart some of its most egregious parts.”

uhhhh...so you've printed out a bill and are dragging a two-wheeler all around the halls of Congress to show people - people that actually VOTED ON THAT BILL - that it is a long bill? How is this a secret? Is this some sort of double-cross super secret 007 thing we're just not getting? Are boring recitations like this actually the hallmark of some KGB-level plotting?

Republicans will need to win half a dozen seats to retake the chamber. So, what are the chances?

“There are six really good opportunities in really red states: West Virginia, North Carolina, Louisiana, Arkansas, South Dakota, and Alaska,” McConnell said last week. “And some other places where you have open seats like Michigan and Iowa. And other states that frequently vote Republican, an example of that would be New Hampshire. So, we’re hopeful.”

Wonkaganers, gather round. Come close. We need to whisper. SHUT UP I SAID WE NEED TO WHISPER. So here's McConnell's plan: (1) try to win back the Senate; (2) print out a bill and carry it around like a really big blankie; (3) try to win back the Senate again. Make sure you keep this between us though, because only yr Wonkette, the 27 people who read National Journal and EVERYONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING COUNTRY know about this plan.

[National Journal]

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