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James Hoft, the stupidest man on the internet, published an important follow-on to last week's revelation that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez actually went to the high school where she always said she went to high school. As you'll recall, that shocker revealed that not only did her parents move to a neighborhood where she could go to good schools when she was five, she also went by the nickname "Sandy" in high school, and is therefore a total fraud when she says she's "from the Bronx," where she was born. In an earth-shaking exposé published late last night, Hoft offered this astonishing revelation!!!!!! "EXCLUSIVE: Yorktown Elitist and Bronx Hoaxer Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Went by 'Sandy' Well into College at Boston U." Well then. Obviously, she'll have to resign from Congress now, since she's not the least bit ashamed of racistly calling Donald Trump a racist just because he's a racist.


Mostly, the new piece just rehashes the same crap as before, insisting it's somehow scandalous that Ocasio-Cortez attended Yorktown High School, where a lot of the kids were rich. Hoft explains that in reality, Ocasio-Cortez has to be secretly rich, because after all, Westchester County is full of rich people and as television actor and rightwing pundit Michael Knowles pointed out on the Twitters, "The average household wealth of the town in which you grew up is $1.2 million." Ergo, Ocasio-Cortez is wealthy too, on the principle that when Bill Gates walks into a bar, everyone there immediately has an average net worth of over a billion dollars.

Mind you, as Yr Wonkette noted the first time around, Ocasio-Cortez has never said she went to high school anywhere other than Yorktown High, and she has used that fact as a springboard for discussing income inequality. Well sure, but that's before we knew she went by "Sandy." We guess it's possible that working-class kids might attend school with rich kids, but only because they're hypocrites.

Hoft then moves on to the new, shocking revelations, proving that, just like all liberals, Ocasio-Cortez lies about her life because she is just the WORST:

We have new photos of "Sandy" Ocasio-Cortez at her elite high school in Yorktown — not the Bronx.


And much like other Democrat hoaxers (Bobby O'Rourke, and fake Indian Liz Warren) Ocasio-Cortez went by "Sandy" well into college at Boston University.

FACT CHECK: "Beto" is a common nickname for "Roberto," O'Rourke says his family called him that "from day one," and a 1986 article about his dad referred to young "Beto O'Rourke," aged 14. On the other hand, there's no evidence his parents ever called him "Bobby." WHY NOT????????? Also, since when is "Liz" a nickname for "Elizabeth?" Everyone knows it's "Betsy."

Oh, yeah, and the college thing, which is supposed to be shocking somehow. Here, Hoft actually achieves something noteworthy, albeit stupid. Hoft insists that last week's cute video of Ocasio-Cortez dancing on a rooftop really is shocking -- but not because she was dancing. That would be silly! No, it's actually shocking because it proves she was engaged in a campaign of politically motivated deception even as a college student!!!

See, here's the shocker: The credits to the BU video list her name as SANDY Ocasio-Cortez, and isn't that all the proof you need of her chicanery and deception and her plot to trick the American people into accepting COMMUNISM?

Hoft explains the awful truth:

It wasn't until her final months at university that Ocasio-Cortez started going by "Alexandria" instead of "Sandy" as an attempt to help propel her career.

She participated in this video in 2011 the year she graduated.

Sandy from Yorktown became Alexandria from The Bronx.

It was all a big scam.

Truly, this is already the best investigative reporting of 2019 and the Pulitzer committee should just stop farting around and award James Hoft the prize. Nothing will beat it.

Also, I now feel morally compelled to confess that "Doktor Zoom" is merely a psuedonym, and that I'm lying even when I say my real name is "Marty Kelley." My given name is actually "Marion" because my adoptive mother was a super-dedicated Catholic who just had to name her kid after the BVM. Mind you, I only learned all that the first day of first grade when Mrs. Huffman called roll and I didn't raise my hand. She asked, "Are you Marion Kelley?" and I said "I don't think so."

Never trust the lying media.

[Gateway Pundit / Snopes]

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Send us money, and we promise to stop lying to you about who we are. Cough up five thousand bucks and Dok Zoom will take a DNA test to resolve the mystery of who he really is.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Remember a few weeks ago when House Judiciary Committee Chair Jerry Nadler sent a very nice and loving request to 81 people and entities associated with Donald Trump, including the White House, asking to please FUCKING GIVE IT a million documents, in order to aid Judiciary's investigation into Trump's millions of crimes? Well, the deadline was Monday, and some folks are helping! Others are not!

According to Nadler, they've already gotten "tens of thousands" of documents, and all signs point to more document requests coming, to approximately one million more people. There have been some surprises, too. Steve Bannon is helping a LOT, turning over thousands of pages (which is perhaps too much if you've ever seen that episode of "The West Wing," where CJ Cregg talks about being so crazy over-compliant with Congress that they just snow down investigators with everything, including take-out menus and junk mail). Trump Inauguration weirdo/longtime associate Tom Barrack is helping, and Hope Hicks is also too gonna be a good little helper. And so on!

And some are asking for "friendly subpoenas," like for instance attorney Keith Davidson, who used to rep Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal, who's asking for that in order to "formalize the process," as Politico puts it. (Some people don't like being asked nicely.)

Still others are saying straight up NO, and some of them have better reasons than others. Roger Stone is pleading the Fifth on advice of counsel because, you know, he's in trouble with the law right now. Rick Gates says he can't really help, citing how he is still a cooperating witness who is very business hunting wabbits in multiple ongoing investigations. And Julian Assange said no, because (LOL) he is a journalist, you guys, and Congress shouldn't subpoena journalists about their sources. (Actually WikiLeaks is a cut-out for Russian intelligence. Which is kind of like "journalist," except not remotely.)

But the real story here is that the White House, in response to pretty much every document request it's gotten, is saying "FUCK OFF! WE ARE GOING TO DO THE WATERGATE THING! IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL, IN WATERGATE! FUCK IT, LET'S DO THE WATERGATE THING!"

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