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James Hoft, the stupidest man on the internet, published an important follow-on to last week's revelation that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez actually went to the high school where she always said she went to high school. As you'll recall, that shocker revealed that not only did her parents move to a neighborhood where she could go to good schools when she was five, she also went by the nickname "Sandy" in high school, and is therefore a total fraud when she says she's "from the Bronx," where she was born. In an earth-shaking exposé published late last night, Hoft offered this astonishing revelation!!!!!! "EXCLUSIVE: Yorktown Elitist and Bronx Hoaxer Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Went by 'Sandy' Well into College at Boston U." Well then. Obviously, she'll have to resign from Congress now, since she's not the least bit ashamed of racistly calling Donald Trump a racist just because he's a racist.


Mostly, the new piece just rehashes the same crap as before, insisting it's somehow scandalous that Ocasio-Cortez attended Yorktown High School, where a lot of the kids were rich. Hoft explains that in reality, Ocasio-Cortez has to be secretly rich, because after all, Westchester County is full of rich people and as television actor and rightwing pundit Michael Knowles pointed out on the Twitters, "The average household wealth of the town in which you grew up is $1.2 million." Ergo, Ocasio-Cortez is wealthy too, on the principle that when Bill Gates walks into a bar, everyone there immediately has an average net worth of over a billion dollars.

Mind you, as Yr Wonkette noted the first time around, Ocasio-Cortez has never said she went to high school anywhere other than Yorktown High, and she has used that fact as a springboard for discussing income inequality. Well sure, but that's before we knew she went by "Sandy." We guess it's possible that working-class kids might attend school with rich kids, but only because they're hypocrites.

Hoft then moves on to the new, shocking revelations, proving that, just like all liberals, Ocasio-Cortez lies about her life because she is just the WORST:

We have new photos of "Sandy" Ocasio-Cortez at her elite high school in Yorktown — not the Bronx.


And much like other Democrat hoaxers (Bobby O'Rourke, and fake Indian Liz Warren) Ocasio-Cortez went by "Sandy" well into college at Boston University.

FACT CHECK: "Beto" is a common nickname for "Roberto," O'Rourke says his family called him that "from day one," and a 1986 article about his dad referred to young "Beto O'Rourke," aged 14. On the other hand, there's no evidence his parents ever called him "Bobby." WHY NOT????????? Also, since when is "Liz" a nickname for "Elizabeth?" Everyone knows it's "Betsy."

Oh, yeah, and the college thing, which is supposed to be shocking somehow. Here, Hoft actually achieves something noteworthy, albeit stupid. Hoft insists that last week's cute video of Ocasio-Cortez dancing on a rooftop really is shocking -- but not because she was dancing. That would be silly! No, it's actually shocking because it proves she was engaged in a campaign of politically motivated deception even as a college student!!!

See, here's the shocker: The credits to the BU video list her name as SANDY Ocasio-Cortez, and isn't that all the proof you need of her chicanery and deception and her plot to trick the American people into accepting COMMUNISM?

Hoft explains the awful truth:

It wasn't until her final months at university that Ocasio-Cortez started going by "Alexandria" instead of "Sandy" as an attempt to help propel her career.

She participated in this video in 2011 the year she graduated.

Sandy from Yorktown became Alexandria from The Bronx.

It was all a big scam.

Truly, this is already the best investigative reporting of 2019 and the Pulitzer committee should just stop farting around and award James Hoft the prize. Nothing will beat it.

Also, I now feel morally compelled to confess that "Doktor Zoom" is merely a psuedonym, and that I'm lying even when I say my real name is "Marty Kelley." My given name is actually "Marion" because my adoptive mother was a super-dedicated Catholic who just had to name her kid after the BVM. Mind you, I only learned all that the first day of first grade when Mrs. Huffman called roll and I didn't raise my hand. She asked, "Are you Marion Kelley?" and I said "I don't think so."

Never trust the lying media.

[Gateway Pundit / Snopes]

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Send us money, and we promise to stop lying to you about who we are. Cough up five thousand bucks and Dok Zoom will take a DNA test to resolve the mystery of who he really is.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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