Shooty Screamy Former Police Chief Returns For Unspecified Mayhem And Hell-Unleashing
Sweet Shiva the Destroyer have we missed you, former police chief Mark Kessler of Gilberton, Pennsylvania. Whatchya been up to? Anger management classes? Crocheting some lovely booties for all the kids? Sipping herbal tea from a sunflower-decorated mug while relaxing in your herb garden?
Former Gilberton, PA police chief Mark Kessler has released a new expletive-laden video in which he threatened his critics, then angrily fired an assault rifle.
Hmm, so that would be “none of the above” then?
Y’all may remember Yosemite Salmon-Head up there from last summer’s classic film “Let’s Kill Nancy Pelosi and Throw Her Down a Well,” along with the accompanying (poorly copy-edited) novelization calling for cleansing all the un-American liberals from the Schuylkill County government. And we don’t think he meant “with votes!”
Kessler was promptly suspended and then fired from his job as police chief (He is, as best we can tell from the website, still a member of the North Schuylkill School Board. Go Spartans! Dodge those bullets!) Though not to worry, as the chief almost immediately found his way into the forum where so many of America’s publicly disgraced basket cases and worthless celebrities go: reality television.
And now, for whatever reason, he’s back, motherfuckers! In case you are at work or too sane to
watch the videoUpdate: See transcript below*
Kessler posted, then removed a video featuring himself, clad in a camouflage shirt and jacket and carrying what we think is an AR-15, thanking his supporters and then screaming at all his enemies that he’s coming and bringing fucking hell with him. Then he turns and fires off a couple of dozen bullets into the distance, at which point we guess we’re supposed to pee in terror.
At least he’s wearing ear protectors. Safety first!
Yr Wonkette thinks we should take off and nuke Pennsylvania from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
*Update: Now that the video's been taken down, we bring you this transcript of the good parts:
“And for all the people out there that are against me, you can all go fuck yourselves,” he said. “Go fuck yourself! Okay? If you think for one minute that I forgot, or that I’m gonna fuckin’ forget any of this, you have another think coming.”
Railing against “all you fucking bastards down there in that fucking town” and “all the fucking politicians that wanna play fucking games,” Kessler said those who oppose him “awakened a sleeping fucking giant.”