Shorter Cory Booker And Senate Judiciary Dems: COME AT US, BRO

Ever since the beginning of the confirmation hearings for Brett Kavanaugh, the man who lacks in chins exactly as much as he lacks in integrity, Democrats have been screaming from every rooftop, "GIVE US THE FUCKING DOCUMENTS!" Because Donald Trump and Senate Republicans have been hell-bent on getting this little fucker on the Supreme Court before the midterms, lest they lose the Senate or at this rate (LOL) the presidency, they've been doing everything they can to hide any sorts of documents that might make Kavanaugh look like the craven little shitheel he is. (Mitch McConnell knew this problem was coming back in the summer when he was encouraging Trump to nominate Not Brett Kavanaugh, because of Kavanaugh's long and problematic paper trail.)

Therefore, there's been a tranche of millions of billions of pages (math estimate) of documents that the GOP-led Senate Judiciary Committee has kept hidden, by simply labeling them "Committee Confidential," meaning only committee members are allowed to look at them.

Until now.

At the beginning of this morning's confirmation hearings (liveblog here!), Cory Booker mustered all the BDE he has -- which is a lot -- and said fuck you, I'm gonna release some shit, even it means I get in big trouble mister, and even if it means I am subject to getting expelled from the Senate. He explained that he broke the rules knowingly and on purpose, because America deserves to know who this sniveling giant forehead of a man is that President Unindicted Co-Conspirator so badly wants as his personal SCOTUS judge. Booker said it was probably the closest he'd ever come in in his life to having an "I Am Spartacus" moment, and that if the Republicans are so mad about what he did, then DO IT. Go through the process of expelling him from the Senate if you're sooooooooo mad, John Cornyn and Chuck Grassley and Thom Tillis and all you other ratfuckers.

At that point, John Cornyn pulled his own limp dick out of his mouth and read the Senate rules about how Cory Booker should be expelled from the Senate. Booker replied, "BRING IT."

Of course there was one little problem for Republicans wishing to stupidly take Booker's dare, because literally every other Democratic member of the committee, including vice chair Dianne Feinstein, had Booker's back. They weren't having an "I am Spartacus" moment, though. It went more like this:

HIRONO: Oh captain, my captain!

BLUMENTHAL: Oh captain, my captain!

COONS: Oh captain, my captain!


WHITEHOUSE: If Feinstein's gay, I'm gay!

HARRIS: Guys, we're doing Dead Poets Society, not campy gay 1997 film In & Out!

DURBIN: I'm gay AND a captain!

You get the idea. Mazie Hirono was like, "I also too have some 'committee confidential' documents" and Dick Durbin was like, "Me three!" and hell, the camera even caught Dianne Feinstein raising her hand as if to say "OOH ME TOO, YOU DOUCHETWATS! PUT THIS DOWN ON MY PERMANENT RECORD!"

Weirdly, after that, suddenly and magically, the committee just then decided none of those documents are confidential anymore. In other words, BLUFF CALLED.

For an Alternative Facts view of what just happened, let's go to Bill Burck, the random civilian representing the Bush administration (as well as Reince Priebus, Don McGahn and STEVE BANNON), who's been going through the Kavanaugh documents and determining what should be a big secret:

Hahahaha, Bill Burck, EAT ME.

And now the documents are FLYING out -- watch that link for updates -- because suddenly they're not a big secret anymore! Guess an open revolt by literally every Democrat, up to and including Dianne Feinstein, has a way of making things like that happen. (Briefly, for those on the left who like to bitch and moan that the Democrats never do anything, well, here is an example of them DOING SOMETHING. Experience counts for something, we guess.)

And surprise, what a lot of those documents seem to be showing is A METRIC FUCKTON OF FUCKERY.

For instance, leaked emails show Kavanaugh being not so sure about Roe v. Wade being the "settled law of the land" and Cory Booker's personal leak shows Kavanaugh being kiiiiinda li'l bit whole bunch racist.

Oh, and they also add to the growing body of evidence that Kavanaugh has a little PERJURY PROBLEM, including in testimony he gave TODAY and YESTERDAY. Hell, with all the lies and inconsistencies coming out today, we think it's safe to say that whatever Kavanaugh is saying right now, there's a good chance he's perjuring himself. He probably doesn't even drive carpool or coach his daughter's softball team, if that is even his real daughter and she wasn't hired by the Federalist Society.

And so on and so forth! But we'll cover all that in another post.

Y'all, this is only going to get worse for Brett Kavanaugh, because there will be MOAR DOCUMENTS.

If Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski and Jeff Flake and Bob Corker and whatever Republicans who still have some semblance of a soul -- not to mention red state Dems and OH HI BLACK REPUBLICAN TIM SCOTT, you might be interested in those emails about race -- don't come to Jesus, and soon, then they're even worse Americans than we already thought they were (which is pretty dang bad, honestly).

Keep it up, Democrats! Dig that fucker's judicial grave and then piss on it (WITH DOCUMENTS).

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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