Ever since the beginning of the confirmation hearings for Brett Kavanaugh, the man who lacks in chins exactly as much as he lacks in integrity, Democrats have been screaming from every rooftop, "GIVE US THE FUCKING DOCUMENTS!" Because Donald Trump and Senate Republicans have been hell-bent on getting this little fucker on the Supreme Court before the midterms, lest they lose the Senate or at this rate (LOL) the presidency, they've been doing everything they can to hide any sorts of documents that might make Kavanaugh look like the craven little shitheel he is. (Mitch McConnell knew this problem was coming back in the summer when he was encouraging Trump to nominate Not Brett Kavanaugh, because of Kavanaugh's long and problematic paper trail.)

Therefore, there's been a tranche of millions of billions of pages (math estimate) of documents that the GOP-led Senate Judiciary Committee has kept hidden, by simply labeling them "Committee Confidential," meaning only committee members are allowed to look at them.

Until now.

At the beginning of this morning's confirmation hearings (liveblog here!), Cory Booker mustered all the BDE he has -- which is a lot -- and said fuck you, I'm gonna release some shit, even it means I get in big trouble mister, and even if it means I am subject to getting expelled from the Senate. He explained that he broke the rules knowingly and on purpose, because America deserves to know who this sniveling giant forehead of a man is that President Unindicted Co-Conspirator so badly wants as his personal SCOTUS judge. Booker said it was probably the closest he'd ever come in in his life to having an "I Am Spartacus" moment, and that if the Republicans are so mad about what he did, then DO IT. Go through the process of expelling him from the Senate if you're sooooooooo mad, John Cornyn and Chuck Grassley and Thom Tillis and all you other ratfuckers.

At that point, John Cornyn pulled his own limp dick out of his mouth and read the Senate rules about how Cory Booker should be expelled from the Senate. Booker replied, "BRING IT."

Of course there was one little problem for Republicans wishing to stupidly take Booker's dare, because literally every other Democratic member of the committee, including vice chair Dianne Feinstein, had Booker's back. They weren't having an "I am Spartacus" moment, though. It went more like this:

HIRONO: Oh captain, my captain!

BLUMENTHAL: Oh captain, my captain!

COONS: Oh captain, my captain!


WHITEHOUSE: If Feinstein's gay, I'm gay!

HARRIS: Guys, we're doing Dead Poets Society, not campy gay 1997 film In & Out!

DURBIN: I'm gay AND a captain!

You get the idea. Mazie Hirono was like, "I also too have some 'committee confidential' documents" and Dick Durbin was like, "Me three!" and hell, the camera even caught Dianne Feinstein raising her hand as if to say "OOH ME TOO, YOU DOUCHETWATS! PUT THIS DOWN ON MY PERMANENT RECORD!"

Weirdly, after that, suddenly and magically, the committee just then decided none of those documents are confidential anymore. In other words, BLUFF CALLED.

For an Alternative Facts view of what just happened, let's go to Bill Burck, the random civilian representing the Bush administration (as well as Reince Priebus, Don McGahn and STEVE BANNON), who's been going through the Kavanaugh documents and determining what should be a big secret:

Hahahaha, Bill Burck, EAT ME.

And now the documents are FLYING out -- watch that link for updates -- because suddenly they're not a big secret anymore! Guess an open revolt by literally every Democrat, up to and including Dianne Feinstein, has a way of making things like that happen. (Briefly, for those on the left who like to bitch and moan that the Democrats never do anything, well, here is an example of them DOING SOMETHING. Experience counts for something, we guess.)

And surprise, what a lot of those documents seem to be showing is A METRIC FUCKTON OF FUCKERY.

For instance, leaked emails show Kavanaugh being not so sure about Roe v. Wade being the "settled law of the land" and Cory Booker's personal leak shows Kavanaugh being kiiiiinda li'l bit whole bunch racist.

Oh, and they also add to the growing body of evidence that Kavanaugh has a little PERJURY PROBLEM, including in testimony he gave TODAY and YESTERDAY. Hell, with all the lies and inconsistencies coming out today, we think it's safe to say that whatever Kavanaugh is saying right now, there's a good chance he's perjuring himself. He probably doesn't even drive carpool or coach his daughter's softball team, if that is even his real daughter and she wasn't hired by the Federalist Society.

And so on and so forth! But we'll cover all that in another post.

Y'all, this is only going to get worse for Brett Kavanaugh, because there will be MOAR DOCUMENTS.

If Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski and Jeff Flake and Bob Corker and whatever Republicans who still have some semblance of a soul -- not to mention red state Dems and OH HI BLACK REPUBLICAN TIM SCOTT, you might be interested in those emails about race -- don't come to Jesus, and soon, then they're even worse Americans than we already thought they were (which is pretty dang bad, honestly).

Keep it up, Democrats! Dig that fucker's judicial grave and then piss on it (WITH DOCUMENTS).

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please hit the nifty donation widget below! Didn't that feel so good?

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

OOH BOY HOWDY, The Federalist is on fire this week! Just this morning we told you about the hilarious Federalist column where one neo-Nazi's mom and dad are Democrats, ipso facto QED NEO-NAZIS ARE THE REAL LIBERALS, FUCKERS! Is America's dumbest woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Cara Snailin' over there being a total fuckin' Mollie Hemingway right now? Sadly, she blocked us on Twitter, so how could we possibly know? The answer is WE DON'T CARE.

But now we have a gem of the Federalist genre, an article written by a whiny-ass gay quisling conservative, who would like to chew on his blankie and whine about how much harder it is out there for a conservative than it is for a gay person. This is a subject we happen to have some knowledge about, because we are super gay! And we know a lot about conservatives, both firsthand -- being subjected to them every single one of our almost four decades of life -- and also from covering extremist right-wing Christians for a very long time. Particularly the kind that tell young, impressionable, vulnerable gay kids that they need to pray away the gay if they want Jesus to exercise some self control and refrain from sending them to a fiery hell for all eternity.

We clicked on the article with high hopes. See if you can spot why:

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC
pic via Glamour Shots, we mean this dude's old website

The House Education and Workforce Committee was all set to have a hearing today all about the horrors that a higher minimum wage would wreak on the economy. Horrors like rich people being slightly less rich. Horrors like business owners claiming they will have to fire people and charge $15 for a McChicken if forced to pay workers a living wage, which they won't actually do because no one will buy a $15 McChicken and they would go out of business if they tried that, and they already don't hire more people than the bare minimum they can get away with. Horrors like poor people not being "motivated" to work harder and get better jobs that do not pay them an amount no human being could possibly live on.

Alas, as Politico reports, it was not to be, as committee members discovered their big witness for the hearing, San Diego State University economist Joseph Sabia (pictured above in a Glamour Shot from his archived website), was kind of a wacko.

Sabia, as it turns out, once had a blog called "No Shades Of Gray," in which he wrote many columns of an extremely homophobic and sexist persuasion. In one of these columns, in 2002, Sabia was very mad about one man's lawsuit against several fast food giants for contributing to his health and obesity problems by failing to disclose the nutritional information of the food they sold. In retrospect, I think most people are now on board with these chains being required to post calorie counts and other nutritional information, but in 2002, Sabia was convinced that requiring them to do this would be an assault on freedom for all Americans everywhere. His response to this was to try and attempt a Jonathan Swift posture and suggest taxing gay sex, which he claimed leads to "disastrous health consequences."

Because sure, that's the same thing, basically.

In gay sex, we have an activity that is clearly leading to disastrous health consequences. What rational person would engage in this sort of activity? There is only one solution - let's tax it.

"Come on, Sabia," you say, "how are you going to enforce these taxes? Are you going to send government officials to peep into everyone's bedroom?"

Eventually. But first we have to mount the assault on Big Gay (no, I am not talking about Rosie O'Donnell). We can tax gay nightclubs, websites, personal ads, sexual paraphernalia, and so forth. Talk about a sin tax!!! We can cripple gay-related industries and get them right where we want them. All gay clubs will have to feature huge, flashing warning signs like "CAUTION: Entering this nightclub may increase your chance of contracting STDs and dying."

Big Gay clearly lures people into trying their "product" without discussing the risks to mind, body, and soul. The average Joe on the street does not understand all of the possible bad outcomes. I can almost hear him now:

"They said '100 percent hotties.' I thought that meant it was fun. I thought gay sex was OK…Now I have all these diseases. Big Gay has wrecked my life."

In the immoral words of Warren G, "Regulators!! Mount up!"


In another 2002 article, classily titled "College Girls: Unpaid Whores," Sabia laments that feminists have led college girls to stop trying to be like the Holy Virgin Mary and instead to aspire to be more like that hussy Ally McBeal.

No, really.

As women have strayed from the church, they have replaced what is holy with what is temporally pleasing. For Catholics, the model woman is Mary, the virgin Mother of God. She is beloved by the faithful for her unflappable devotion to and trust in God, her nurturing of the Son of Man, and her deep love for all humanity.

Today's college girl looks to Ally McBeal, the trollops of Sex in the City, and the floozies on Friends to set their moral compasses.

The sad truth is that college girls are so desperate to find love that they are willing to degrade themselves to get it. But true love can only be understood in the context of the Word of God. Any other notion of "love" is secular and, by definition, limited and finite.

Not only that, but instead of going to college to find a husband, they have boyfriends. Boyfriends they have S-E-X with. And sometimes, not even that. Sometimes they have sex with people just because they want to have sex with people, and not even in exchange for Valentine's Day cards or money!

Additionally, other sex-based relationships have become commonplace. In recent years, a new and disturbing arrangement known as "friends with benefits" has emerged. In this arrangement, men are not even forced to perform the normal duties of boyfriends, i.e. flowers, Valentine's Day cards, rides to the abortion clinic, etc. Instead, girls consider these guys "just friends" whom they happen to screw every now and again. No strings, no attachments, no dinners. Just sex when they feel like it.

This type of arrangement is the next logical step in the direction that young women have drifted in the last few decades. These women have become unpaid whores. At least prostitutes made a buck off of their trade. These women just give it away.

How cute! He was like the ur-incel, basically.

Anyway, following the discovery of the posts, the House Education and Workforce Committee's GOP communications director Kelley McNabb told Politico that "members were uncomfortable moving forward on the hearing." A more optimistic person might think this was a step forward, that maybe those committee members actually thought it was bad to suggest that being gay means being a disease-ridden monster or that college girls are whores, but it's probably more to avoid embarrassment than anything else. Guess they'll have to start from scratch and find a crappy economist who will tell them what they want to hear about the minimum wage but who doesn't have an embarrassing Geocities blog in their past. Good luck with that!


Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc