Shorter Trump: 'Elp! 'Elp! I'm Being Fascist Persecuted By Brett And Amy And Neil And Clarence And ...

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The Supreme Court is DONE with Donald Trump. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye, Mr. No Longer President. Please take your embarrassing pleadings, and your wackass assertions of magical presidential immunity, and move it along. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here on this docket.

This morning, the Court denied Trump's application for a stay of discovery in the grand jury proceedings in the Manhattan District Attorney's Office. At long last, that whiner's former accountants at Mazars are going to turn over eight years of Trump's tax returns and financial records. Sucks to be a private citizen, dude!


This stupid case has been going on for-freaking-ever. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance subpoenaed the company in August 2019. Trump and the DOJ appealed to the federal court, where the trial judge and Second Circuit ordered the accountants to COUGH IT UP, since presidential immunity from state investigations is not a thing. The Supreme Court agreed in July, tossing it back to the trial judge in case Trump wanted to assert a real shield to disclosure. Which he did, but was stymied by the fact that he couldn't come up with one. Neither the trial court nor the Second Circuit bought the argument that Vance's subpoena was overbroad and issued in bad faith.

So Trump asked SCOTUS to prettyplease let him string this out a little bit longer because "Even if the disclosure of his papers is limited to prosecutors and grand jurors, the status quo can never be restored once confidentiality is destroyed." It's worth noting here that courts are broadly deferential to prosecutors generally, and grand juries in particular. For Trump to argue somehow that it's NO FAIR and UNLEGAL for the grand jury to demand his tax records when Trump's own lawyer testified publicly that all his real estate valuations were hinky, is just amazing chutzpah. Besides which, as Vance's office noted in its response, Trump can hardly claim he'll be irreparably harmed by public disclosure of the returns when the New York Times already got them and wrote a whole series of stories about the fuckery therein. Simply put, Trump has already paid the reputational cost of public disclosure, and the only thing he can avoid by keeping them from the grand jury is criminal and/or civil penalties.

Naturally the former president responded with his usual grace and aplomb.

To summarize:

CRAZY NANCY! WITCH HUNT! RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA! DEMOCRAT CITIES! ANDREW CUOMO! IRS TEA PARTY! RIGGED ELECTION!

MOUNTAINS SIT IN A LINE, LEONARD BERNSTEIN!

PROSECUTING POLITICAL ENEMIES IS BAD EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO DOING LOCK HER UPS TO HILLARY CLINTON!

HOW COME AMY AND BRETT AND NEIL AREN'T PROTECTING ME?

THE PEOPLE OF OUR COUNTRY WILL NOT STAND FOR IT, AND SOON THEY WILL TURN NEW YORK RED AND PUT ME BACK IN THE WHITE HOUSE! ANTIFA DEMOCRATS ARE THE REAL FASCISTS!

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, AND I FEEL WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!

Cry harder, asshole. Actually, you know what? Don't! Because Mar-a-Lago man isn't president anymore, and he doesn't even have social media to hold a microphone up to his morning poop tweets any more. We literally do not have to listen to this shit! Hooray! And also, hand it over, asshole.

OPEN THREAD!

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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