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We know SO MUCH about fake acting attorney general Matthew "Meatball" Whitaker now! And just about any detail we have on the guy is disqualifying for the position of wiping our dog's ass, much less the highest law enforcement post in the land. But, you know, Donald Trump picks the best people, so ...

Whitaker was on the board of World Patent Marketing, a scammy fraudy Florida-based company that bilked would-be inventors (veterans!) out of shitloads of their hard-earned money (sometimes their life savings!), promising to promote their inventions and then making off with their CA$H. Sometimes Whitaker would mean-mail them some yell-y words if they complained about how they had lost all their money! Sadly, because the company was not above-board, the world has been denied the breezy benefits of inventions like the Masculine Toilet, which could have been the potty that would at last have kept the biggest penis-dongs among us safe from getting flushed down the toilet with the poops, because of how their owners may have big dicks but they're too dumb to stick their 18-incher anywhere but DOWN INSIDE THE WATER.

World Patent Marketing's scam is under investigation by the FBI, and the Federal Trade Commission shut it down in 2017, and determined that it bilked $26 million out of 1,504 customers in the three years prior. Whitaker joined the board in 2014.

Now, aside from the mean and aggressive emails Meatball sent a few dissatisfied customers, we don't have any reason to believe he PERSONALLY hurt all those customers. But just the same, Reason filed a request with the Florida attorney general for complaints on World Patent Marketing, perhaps to further establish what sort of character Meatball is, and what gutter trash he consorts with. Reason got 47 pages in response, and a good number of the complaints sound like this (bolding is Wonkette's, and also we should say [sic] throughout the transcripts of the complaints):


My husband and I sent this company a lot of money. We do not have a lot of money. My husband has been very very stressed about this situation since January 15, 2015. We understand it is now in receivership and we are unsure what that means. Can you help us? My husband is a disabled Viet Nam veteran.

And this:

My name is John Dell'Olio and I'm having a problem with World Patent Marketing. [...] I've given then $25,000 of a $35,000 aside from the initial fee of $1995 and haven't sent the balance because I asked for my money back about a dozen times for lack of services and all I get are empty promises. I look forward to hearing from you regarding this unamerican act against a 75 year old veteran.

And this:

My name is Gwendolyn Anne Artman, last year I gave a Miami Beach, Florida company; 24K to patent and market a product. [...] My husband, who is a retired veteran allowed me to use our savings for a product we still believe will benefit this country, including globally. My fear of course, the have taken my money and never intended to file the patent.

Bless these people's hearts.

It's par for the course that the conman-in-chief would shoehorn a guy like Matt Whitaker, whose life as far as we can tell consists of lies, fraud, and MAYBE a burning need for one of those potties that won't play GOT YER NOSE with your extravagantly long penis and never give it back (but probably not), into the Justice Department as his personal thug. Hell -- AND WE'RE NOT BEING MEAN HERE -- but reading these customer complaints, we're going to hazard a wild guess that some of the people taken in by World Patent Marketing's scam were also taken in by Donald Trump's Make America Great Again scam.

They all prey on the same people, you know.

If you want to read the rest of the complaints, hit the links above or below. If not, then just stay here and have an OPEN THREAD.

[Reason / World Patent Marketing complaints]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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