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We know SO MUCH about fake acting attorney general Matthew "Meatball" Whitaker now! And just about any detail we have on the guy is disqualifying for the position of wiping our dog's ass, much less the highest law enforcement post in the land. But, you know, Donald Trump picks the best people, so ...

Whitaker was on the board of World Patent Marketing, a scammy fraudy Florida-based company that bilked would-be inventors (veterans!) out of shitloads of their hard-earned money (sometimes their life savings!), promising to promote their inventions and then making off with their CA$H. Sometimes Whitaker would mean-mail them some yell-y words if they complained about how they had lost all their money! Sadly, because the company was not above-board, the world has been denied the breezy benefits of inventions like the Masculine Toilet, which could have been the potty that would at last have kept the biggest penis-dongs among us safe from getting flushed down the toilet with the poops, because of how their owners may have big dicks but they're too dumb to stick their 18-incher anywhere but DOWN INSIDE THE WATER.

World Patent Marketing's scam is under investigation by the FBI, and the Federal Trade Commission shut it down in 2017, and determined that it bilked $26 million out of 1,504 customers in the three years prior. Whitaker joined the board in 2014.

Now, aside from the mean and aggressive emails Meatball sent a few dissatisfied customers, we don't have any reason to believe he PERSONALLY hurt all those customers. But just the same, Reason filed a request with the Florida attorney general for complaints on World Patent Marketing, perhaps to further establish what sort of character Meatball is, and what gutter trash he consorts with. Reason got 47 pages in response, and a good number of the complaints sound like this (bolding is Wonkette's, and also we should say [sic] throughout the transcripts of the complaints):


My husband and I sent this company a lot of money. We do not have a lot of money. My husband has been very very stressed about this situation since January 15, 2015. We understand it is now in receivership and we are unsure what that means. Can you help us? My husband is a disabled Viet Nam veteran.

And this:

My name is John Dell'Olio and I'm having a problem with World Patent Marketing. [...] I've given then $25,000 of a $35,000 aside from the initial fee of $1995 and haven't sent the balance because I asked for my money back about a dozen times for lack of services and all I get are empty promises. I look forward to hearing from you regarding this unamerican act against a 75 year old veteran.

And this:

My name is Gwendolyn Anne Artman, last year I gave a Miami Beach, Florida company; 24K to patent and market a product. [...] My husband, who is a retired veteran allowed me to use our savings for a product we still believe will benefit this country, including globally. My fear of course, the have taken my money and never intended to file the patent.

Bless these people's hearts.

It's par for the course that the conman-in-chief would shoehorn a guy like Matt Whitaker, whose life as far as we can tell consists of lies, fraud, and MAYBE a burning need for one of those potties that won't play GOT YER NOSE with your extravagantly long penis and never give it back (but probably not), into the Justice Department as his personal thug. Hell -- AND WE'RE NOT BEING MEAN HERE -- but reading these customer complaints, we're going to hazard a wild guess that some of the people taken in by World Patent Marketing's scam were also taken in by Donald Trump's Make America Great Again scam.

They all prey on the same people, you know.

If you want to read the rest of the complaints, hit the links above or below. If not, then just stay here and have an OPEN THREAD.

[Reason / World Patent Marketing complaints]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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