Silly Goose Allen West Casually Death Threats President Obama For Grabbing His Guns
Still the dumbest book cover in the history of U.S. America
GRRR ARGH RAGE MAD OBAMA'S TAKIN' YR GUNS BUT NOT IF ALLEN WEST CAN STOP IT OOH AHH ANGRY WORDS GRRRR!!!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!!
[contextly_sidebar id="O39WG234uYAhruQg80Ufga7njKGGvK6g"]So, failed congressman, disgraced soldier, dirty whore pervert and all around human erectile dysfunction Allen West is mad about a thing, and it is Tyrant Obama's gun-grabby grabbing of guns, which is FOR REAL happening:
[contextly_sidebar id="hpcxjhHkJdaeHQr7HIgyUKicESl2bgfF"]Ooh big bad scary! Is Allen West going to shoot guns next to Barack Obama's face, as if the president was a common Iraqi and West was a shitty Army guy? Let's see what Very Scary Oh My Stars words he has to say to the black man who is president of him:
President Barack Hussein Obama, on behalf of true Americans, I want to inform you that we will not follow your unconstitutional executive order.
We the American people have no other recourse than to resort to civil disobedience. We have no representatives in Washington DC who will stand and the Supreme Court has failed us as well.
You have embraced violent protest movements in America such as Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter.
Famous white man Allen West is not so sure black lives matter, we guess.
We will now be sending you emails and social media posts as well as calling OUR White House to say one word, “No.”
Oh fuck, Allen West has AOL and he's not afraid to use it!
Here's where it gets vaguely death threaty:
This is your final year as president of the United States so let us come to an agreement: you leave us alone and we, the American people, will let you stay and finish your term.
Heed these words of counsel. Our American blood is descended from men and women who rejected tyranny — so shall we honor their memory.
If you do not wish to honor your oath to the Constitution and protect us, we shall protect ourselves. And NEVER forget the oath we American Warriors take is to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign, and domestic.
Haha, we are giggle-pissing ourselves over the very idea that impotent puppy felcher Allen West could possibly have anything to do with whether or not Barack Hussein THE FUCKING BOSS OF YOU Obama will complete his presidency, but we are also asking excuse us WHAT? We join our BFFs at Crooks & Liars in suggesting that the Secret Service might want to discuss a few things with Allen West, maybe? And maybe the FBI, CIA, NSA, the Hot Topics stitch 'n' bitch at "The View" and Allen West's therapist might want to talk about things, also too? Just kidding, if he had a therapist, he might not be the wussy ingrown penis he is today.
[contextly_sidebar id="91yUD7v4dhlpzwY3Xw72SeqqXmQEgF09"]Look, we know Allen West is a pathetic fool. We know his entire life, ever since he served in Iraq, has been an emasculating burlesque ride of fail. Lordy Moses, these days he's been reduced to fighting the Islamic menace by using his fraidy-cat nose holes to sniff out Sharia law in Walmart checkout lines. That is, when he's not preventing football injuries by telling Jesus to be gentle.
But at the same time, awww, we miss having Allen West around to kick in the face, from back in the olden timey days when he sort of was a thing, for like five minutes.
So come on, Allen, keep writing candygrams on your Tumblr or LiveJournal or whatever it is. You'll write a post that makes you a real man again one of these days, we're certain!
Unless the Secret Service shows up for, you know, THREATENING THE PRESIDENT, and takes you to a FEMA camp and you have to live there forever LOL just kidding that won't happen.
OR WILL IT? Haha, probably not, but if it did Wonkette would take pictures.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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