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SKYPENIS!


To end our week, it is time for a story about SKYPENIS!

A terrible wonderful thing happened in Okanogan County, Washington, recently, and it is SKYPENIS!

KREM in Washington has the background on this miracle bestowed upon us by Navy pilots with nothing better to do:

Officials with the Naval Air Station Whidbey Island said one of their aircraft was involved in the obscene skywritings spotted in Okanogan County.

Photos sent to KREM 2 by multiple sources show skydrawings of what some people are saying is male genitalia. Some sources have even tweeted pictures of what they saw.

A mother who lives in Okanogan who took pictures of the drawings reached out to KREM 2 to complain about the images, saying she was upset she might have to explain to her young children what the drawings were.

Oh, MOTHER. If your children looked up in the sky and saw a dick in the clouds, then they already knew what a dick looked like. Just agree with them that those are very funny-shaped clouds and MOVE ON WITH YOUR DAY.

Remember how we talked Thursday about that Utah dad who's just dying inside because his kids' future high school has chosen the "phoenix" as its mascot, because its plural "phoenices" sounds too much like "penises," and oh the humanity? Maybe Utah Dad and Washington Mom should go out on a date and cry about penises.

Anyway, SKYPENIS!

In a statement to KREM 2 News navy officials said, "The Navy holds its aircrew to the highest standards and we find this absolutely unacceptable, of zero training value and we are holding the crew accountable."

Oh, NAVY OFFICIALS. Will you please grow up and let your pilots act like 12-year-olds? There is so little joy in Trump's America, and you want to punish these nice Navy pilot guys for brightening our days with SKYPENIS?

Now that we have finished writing this very mature journalism post about SKYPENIS! you may have an open thread.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[KREM]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Employees in Donald Trump's White House have the career mortality rate of Bubonic plague victims and are less attractive to future employers. Adding to the body count is Darren Beattie, one of Trump's speechwriters who was fired on Friday. It's a hard gig trying to make the thing currently squatting in the Oval Office sound like a functioning human being. Just take a quick look at Trump's E. coli-infected word salad when removed from a sanity-boosting Twitter format.

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In April of this year, Blake Farenthold, the footie pajama-wearing Texas congressman who once lamented that he couldn't challenge Susan Collins to a duel on account of her not having a penis, resigned from office -- several months after news broke that he had used $84,000 in taxpayer money to settle a sexual harassment suit brought against him by Lauren Greene, his former communications director. In the suit, Greene alleged that the Congressman told her that he had "wet dreams" about her and also informed her that she could show him her nipples. Just, you know, normal stuff like that.

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