So Mitt Romney Won New Hampshire, Let's Hang Out


Mitt Crazy Eyes/9000/My Twinn Doll Romney has been declared the winner of the New Hampshire primary, seizing 37.3 percent of the vote, according to AP, with 43 percent of precincts reporting as of the time that this post was delivered to the Internet. Ron Paul is second with 23.4 percent, and Jon Huntsman scurried up to third place with 17.4 percent.

Newt Gingrich is fourth with 9.9 percent of the vote, Rick Santorum is fifth with 9.8 (ooh! closeness) and Rick Perry is sixth with 0.7 percent.

Twenty-three percent reporting was enough for AP to call the results, so Romney gave the above acceptance speech at the wee hour of 8:30PM, just half an hour after New Hampshire polls closed. So it's time for you to go to sleep now and hope for a better 2013. ORRRR you can hang out because Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman are both planning on heading to South Carolina, as are (naturally) Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry, and they have all Said Things or are about to! So thank you and not-goodbye! [NYTimes]

9:41 -- Ron Paul said things. Highlight: "I sort of have to chuckle when they describe you and me as being DANGEROUS!" He also forgot his children's names.

9:52 -- Huntsman has given his speech. Liddy Huntsman is sparkly. The gist: "Third place is a ticket to ride" and "Here we go to South Carolina!"

10:01 -- Both Santorum and Gingrich are speaking at the same time. They just don't give a damn! Santorum's daughter Elizabeth looks ready for a guest role on Downton Abbey. Gingrich just looks SAD, MAN. But he has declared: "This campaign will go on to South Carolina."


10:08 -- Someone who is perhaps new to speeches has called Romney's speech tonight his "best speech."

10:41 -- Frothey thanks New Hampshire on Twitter for, uh, keeping his "momentum" going even though all the weepy teabaggers mostly stayed home and left him in fifth place.

10:50 -- We are already talking about South Carolina now, since New Hampshire sucks. Oh look, non-candidate teevee comedian Stephen Colbert is polling ahead of Jon Hunstman among gullible twits, make a surprised face!

10:57 -- The media interest in this primary has officially nestled into its grave. "So apparently there is this place called South Carolina we are supposed to care about," ruminates the NYTimes.

11:06 -- CITIZENS ARE NOT PSYCHED. MSNBC's data just presented upon the television screen shows that 55 percent of non-Romney-voting people in New Hampshire's primary would be "dissatisfied" if Romney became the Republican nominee.

11:22 -- "[W]e are left with a half-dozen halfwits who want to defeat Barack Obama and become leader of the free world." - A British lady.

On that delightful note, SNOOZE, fellow citizens of our attempted "European-style social welfare state."


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