So Much For Klobmentum
Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar just KlobuQUIT the presidential race. She's taking her salad comb and going home. You won't have old Amy to throw staplers at you any more. At least she outlasted her arch rival Pete Buttigieg.
See, it's funny because lady bosses are all raging bitches. It's funny because women are so emotional that they throw things and cry at work. It's funny because her voice was OMG, SO ANNOYING. It's funny because women being competitive is just adorable, and it's a CATFIGHT with the gay candidate.
Isn't that just the funniest joke ever? Isn't it hilarious that none of the candidates of color could get any traction or raise enough money to compete in the Democratic primary? Don't you just love it that we're down to three white septuagenarian men and the one woman who runs circles around them and gets completely ignored? Doesn't it make you want to wear your suffragette-white pantsuit with pride?
Personally, I'm exhausted. Not because I think the DNC pushed her and Buttigieg out in some backroom machination to destroy Bernie Sanders. That's some bullshit flogged by the president and his minions, although it will doubtless gain some traction with the dirtbag left. There's no plot to pay off Klobuchar and Buttigieg with promises of Cabinet positions if they throw the race to Biden. There's just the sad reality that this country will not elect a woman in 2020. [Editrix's note: Disagree!] We're too afraid, or we're too conservative, or sure, a woman, but not THIS woman.
Yeah, yeah, we've all seen #Ifyouvoteforher trending this weekend. The fact of the matter is that we didn't vote for her. Elizabeth Warren is fucking amazing, and Amy Klobuchar is a great centrist candidate with strong midwestern bona fides. And still, they were barely viable in the first four states, and with the possible exception of Klobuchar taking her home state, they were never going to be. At this point, staying in and siphoning off five or eight percent of the vote would just get Amy and Pete blamed when we wind up in a contested convention between the old white guys.
Which is where this is inevitably headed. It's where it was always headed. Nobody was going to get to 50 percent with this many candidates on the field. So now it's a mad scramble for the exits as everyone in the "center lane" tries to get off the road for Joe Biden. Better to endorse him now than to ceremonially hand over those accumulated delegates at the convention and be accused of #RiggingIt against Bernie by ... following the rules for an election when no one gets a majority.
And no one knows the right math here. Do we bet that Biden takes Pennsylvania, and probably at least two of Wisconsin, Arizona, Florida, and North Carolina, while making it easier down-ballot for Mark Kelly, Cal Cunningham, and Sarah Gideon? Or maybe it's better to hope that Sanders can take the entire upper Midwest, so we should stick with him rather than pissing off his supporters? Who the hell knows! Guess we better let Wisconsin decide, since it's up to them in November anyway. PROBABLY.
Oh, I kid! Because otherwise ... I'll cry. Thanks for sticking your neck out, Senator. Maybe one day we'll be ready.
VOTE BLUE, NO MATTER WHO. And please feed your Wonkette, who is going to get so much fucking hatemail for this post.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.