So Sad! Poor Tucker Carlson Can't Go To Restaurants Because He's A Jerk

Post-Racial America

In a truly heartrending interview on a National Review podcast, Tucker Carlson reveals that the political climate has become so very toxic and nasty that he is unable to go to restaurants anymore without people yelling obscenities at him. In other news, the people Tucker Carlson enthusiastically supports are planning to begin separating migrants and asylum seekers from their children again, and hosts on his own network complained that Lesley Stahl asked Donald Trump too many questions in an interview, because interviewers are supposed to listen to The President, not "pepper him with questions." Oh, yes, and just a few days ago, Tucker Carlson himself explained on the air that Planned Parenthood does "human sacrifice rituals," but that was only an amusing joke tied to those witches who are hexing Brett Kavanaugh, so that wasn't uncivil, it was funny.

Carlson described his plight to National Review's Jamie Weinstein in an interview to promote Carlson's latest book-shaped object, and it's really easy not to sympathize with the poor guy:

"I can't really go to a lot of restaurants anymore because I get yelled at," he said [...] "I don't feel threatened, but having someone scream, 'Fuck you!' at a restaurant, it just wrecks your meal."

Carlson said he only goes to one restaurant these days. "I go there because I love it and nobody hassles me," he said. "I can't wait for this revolution to end, so I can go back out to dinner." (He's known to be a regular at The Palm, a steak house.)

Wow, that's some tough times. Hey, you know who else is having tough times? The 4,100 people dropped from Medicaid in Arkansas last month because they didn't meet Arkansas's stringent new work requirements, although we expect someone on Fox -- maybe Tucker himself -- to smile and say that's really proof that lazy takers are finally being forced to be responsible for themselves. Another 4,800 are expected to lose coverage next month, although if they scraped up enough money to go to a fancy restaurant, nobody would recognize them and yell "Fuck you!" at them.

Oh, did we mention that Carlson's new dumb book is about "how America's ruling class has failed everyday Americans"? But by "everyday" Americans, he means Fox viewers, not people who qualify for Medicaid, because we're sure there's no overlap there.

In any case, it sure is a shame that Tucker Carlson cannot enjoy a meal in peace. We wonder if it has anything do do with his on-air performance, where he simply asks whether we "need" diversity, complains that Messicans are the REAL "foreign hackers" because they come here and have too many babies, warns about the Gypsies coming to despoil America, and most recently has fretted that liberals are coming for you with machetes just like in Rwanda, because they are Hootoos and you are white people.

Oh, and it might be a little relevant to consider another reason Tucker Carlson is hesitant to go out to restaurants: A few years back -- in 2007 -- Carlson bragged about the time when he was in high school and he says some gay guy tried to sex him in a Georgetown restaurant men's room. So naturally enough he and a friend went back, found the guy, and -- well, in his own words,

I went back with someone I knew and grabbed the guy by the -- you know, and grabbed him, and -- and -- [...] Hit him against the stall with his head, actually! [laughter]

To be fair, Carlson later issued a statement insisting that no, smashing a guy's head into a wall isn't gay-bashing, and actually he and his friend merely "seized the man and held him until a security guard arrived," which either means he's lying about that second version or lied about a revenge assault that never happened. Guy's a one man Restroom Rashomon! Someone really should ask him if anything he says he saw in a restaurant ever really happened, just to get a third or fourth version.

In any case, why can't we have some fucking civility in this country so Tucker Carlson can dine in peace? And why doesn't Tucker Carlson try eating at restaurants where average Trump voters would welcome him? His favorite steakhouse, where a "Prime Double-Cut New York Strip" will set you back 99 bucks (but you can get a filet mignon for just $55) sounds like the sort of place where out of touch elites are more likely to hang out.

But the interview wasn't all about restaurants! Carlson also explained that Donald Trump "is really, really funny [...] And probably like about 20 percent of what Trump says he says because it amuses him." So who knows, that could be how we got the family separation policy, because some dope went and thought he was serious about that. Also too, Tucker Carlson certainly doesn't think of himself as a brainiac or anything! He's just a regular guy!

While the host conveys a heavy dose of self-confidence to Fox News viewers, he admitted that he's gotten plenty of things wrong over the years. "It's not like I've always been right and everyone else is dumb," he said. "I've been plenty dumb, on television, too, so you can check it if you want. There's no hiding from my dumbness."

How true this is. Of course, if he'd just stay home and not go on TV, the rest of us wouldn't have to turn our heads away in embarrassment for him, either.

[Hollywood Reporter / WaPo / Media Matters]

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Arkansas Republican Senator and evil Pinocchio turned into a real live boy Tom Cotton appeared on CBS's "Face the Nation" to discuss the attacks on oil tankers on the Gulf of Oman. And while the world is still trying to confirm IF Iran perpetrated the attacks due to conflicting accounts (the US says it was Iran with mines; the Japanese shipping operator says it was a “flying object"), that hasn't stopped GOP politicians like Cotton from trying to turn this into the justification they've been looking for, for great good glorious WAR.

MARGARET BRENNAN: You have long been defined as a hawk on Iran. You see these recent attacks, these are commercial vessels not military installations. What kind of response is warranted?

: Well Iran for 40 years has engaged in this kind of attacks going back to the 1980s. In fact Ronald Reagan had to reflag a lot of vessels going through the Persian Gulf and ultimately take military action against Iran in 1988. These unprovoked attacks on commercial shipping warrant a retaliatory military strike.

: Are you- you're comparing the tanker war in the '80s to now and saying that that's the kind of military response you want to see?

COTTON: We can make a military wreck- response in a time and in a manner of our choosing. But yes, unprovoked attacks on commercial shipping warrant a retaliatory military strike against the Islamic Republic of Iran.

The goddamn “Tanker Wars"?! Oh ... you mean when, during the Iraq-Iran War, we waited until Kuwait formally asked for our assistance to escort Saddam Hussein's oil? When Reagan, without approval from Congress, reflagged Kuwaiti vessels? When Reagan got us involved in the Iraq-Iran War leading to a daylong naval battle between Iran and the US, known as Operation Praying Mantis? The conflict we jumped into that led to our mistaking an Iran Air commercial jetliner for an Iranian F-14, shooting it down and killing all 290 people onboard, including 66 children? That's what you want to repeat, Tom Cotton?! Also, whatever happened to our ally, Saddam Hussein?

They say that those who don't learn from history repeat it. Tom Cotton is here to prove Republicans never learn. Watch the video below for yourself:

Cotton says "unprovoked attacks to oil profits" from Iran "warrant a retaliatory military strike"

While Tom Cotton was justifying a war with Iran on CBS, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was having a surprisingly harder time on “Fox News Sunday" than he did on CBS when he transparently insinuated what the Trump administration really cares about with Iran ( "Texas Tea").

Pompeo: Trump doesn't war with Iran but will "defend American OIL interests"

Seems Pompeo was upset that his “beating the drums of war" shtick was being interrupted to have to answer about Trump admitting (more like bragging) it was okay to take foreign assistance (and then walking it back when all the killjoys said it was illegal). After playing the ABC News clip, Chris Wallace asked a very pointed yet direct question. Pompeo's answer, however, was far from both:

WALLACE: Is accepting oppo research from a foreign government right or wrong?

POMPEO: Chris, you know you asked me not to call any of your questions today ridiculous ... You came really close right there. (awkward giggle) President Trump has been very clear. He ... he clarified his remarks later. He ... he made it very clear. Even in his first comment. He said "I'd do both." He said he'd call the FBI ...

WALLACE: He said "Maybe I'd do both."

POMPEO: President Trump has been very clear. That he will always make sure that he gets it right for the American people and I'm confident he'll do that here as well.

It was at this moment Pompeo thought he was golden because he's on Fox News and they never follow up! But clearly he forgot Chris Wallace doesn't play like that.

WALLACE: At the risk of getting your ire, the President told "Fox and Friends" on Friday, and I agree, he kind of walked it back...

POMPEO: He didn't walk it back.

: Yes, he did. Because he said "maybe" on Thursday. And then on Friday, on "Fox and Friends," he said "he'd listen first AND then if the information was bad that he would take it to the FBI or the Attorney General." But he also made it clear to George Stephanopolous that he did not see this as "foreign interference." And I want to play a clip of the President's own words ...

Then Wallace played ANOTHER clip of Trump's idiotic words back to Pompeo. Then he asks Pompeo one more time:

WALLACE: He says "it's not interference, it's information." The country, sir, and I don't need to tell you, has a long history dating back to George Washington in saying that foreign interference in our elections is unacceptable. POMPEO: Chris, President Trump believes that too. I have nothing further to add. I came on to talk about foreign policy and I think that's the third time you've asked me about a Washington ... piece of ... silliness. That's just, that's just a story that's inconsistent with what I've seen from President Trump do every single day.

After an awkward pause and visible anger in Pompeo's face (really, do watch), Chris Wallace calls it a day ... but remembers to remind Pompeo he's a thin-skinned baby:

WALLACE: I will leave it there. I think I only asked you twice but that's alright Mr. Secretary. Thank you. Thanks for your time and Happy Father's Day, sir.

Watch the video below for yourself.

And that's all for this week in Trump's collusion and "wag the dog"/Saudi oil interest war chants. So let's end with a couple of pictures of my new puppy, Harley Quinn!

Might as well have one last nice thing before our next war or stolen election. Have a week!

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