Some Chick 'Made History' On Super Tuesday, We Guess

Someone else is going to have to clean up all this shattered glass. She's busy.

Maybe you do not like her. Maybe you hate her. Maybe you think she is untrustworthy, unlikable, unelectable, unwhateverable. She is too stiff and double-entendre frigid. She is too crybaby emotional and shouty and shrill. She travelgated to Whitewater to drown-murder Vince Foster in a lesbian rage, with her headband. She private-jetted to Benghazi to lie about four dead Americans, in her secret email faxes to her favorite yoga pals while watching "The Good Wife" and snacking on gefilte fish. She's been around too long and done too much, and she's accomplished nothing except marrying well. She is the embodiment of evil in a pantsuit.

But on Super Tuesday, Madam First Lady Senator Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton Esquire made some motherfuckin' history, y'all.

She won seven states -- Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia -- and with one exception, she did so very decisively. Like, landslide decisively:

Clinton won 453 delegates on Tuesday, compared to Sanders's 284. If you factor in superdelegates -- elected Democrats and party leaders who are free to support any candidate, but have overwhelmingly lined up for Clinton -- she's nearly halfway to the nomination already.

[contextly_sidebar id="cF1THJMLt98BI1esfMcYvVArcVCwEsYT"]A hundred years ago, women couldn't vote. Fifty years ago, women couldn't have credit cards in their own name. On this very day, in the year 2016, a mostly male Supreme Court will hear arguments about whether the state of Texas, and thus the country, has the right to make it all but impossible for women to receive reproductive healthcare because male legislators consider vaginas inherently icky, and they believe women's medical decisions are far too important to leave up to women. For their own good, of course.

Now, Democrats are this close to nominating a woman for president. And she is going to win. And that -- even if you don't like her or her husband or her politics or her hairstyle -- is a hell of a thing.



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