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Someone else is going to have to clean up all this shattered glass. She's busy.


Maybe you do not like her. Maybe you hate her. Maybe you think she is untrustworthy, unlikable, unelectable, unwhateverable. She is too stiff and double-entendre frigid. She is too crybaby emotional and shouty and shrill. She travelgated to Whitewater to drown-murder Vince Foster in a lesbian rage, with her headband. She private-jetted to Benghazi to lie about four dead Americans, in her secret email faxes to her favorite yoga pals while watching "The Good Wife" and snacking on gefilte fish. She's been around too long and done too much, and she's accomplished nothing except marrying well. She is the embodiment of evil in a pantsuit.

But on Super Tuesday, Madam First Lady Senator Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton Esquire made some motherfuckin' history, y'all.

She won seven states -- Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia -- and with one exception, she did so very decisively. Like, landslide decisively:

Clinton won 453 delegates on Tuesday, compared to Sanders's 284. If you factor in superdelegates -- elected Democrats and party leaders who are free to support any candidate, but have overwhelmingly lined up for Clinton -- she's nearly halfway to the nomination already.

[contextly_sidebar id="cF1THJMLt98BI1esfMcYvVArcVCwEsYT"]A hundred years ago, women couldn't vote. Fifty years ago, women couldn't have credit cards in their own name. On this very day, in the year 2016, a mostly male Supreme Court will hear arguments about whether the state of Texas, and thus the country, has the right to make it all but impossible for women to receive reproductive healthcare because male legislators consider vaginas inherently icky, and they believe women's medical decisions are far too important to leave up to women. For their own good, of course.

Now, Democrats are this close to nominating a woman for president. And she is going to win. And that -- even if you don't like her or her husband or her politics or her hairstyle -- is a hell of a thing.

[WaPo]

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Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

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Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

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