Some Chick Running For President Even Though She Has A Vagina And Everything, LOLOLOLOL
The Interwebs are reporting that a broad named Hillz Rodham Somebody will be making a special announcement this weekend:
Hillary Clinton is planning to officially launch her US presidential campaign on Sunday while en route to Iowa, a source familiar with the campaign has confirmed to the Guardian.
The former secretary of state is scheduled to declare her second run for president on Twitter at noon eastern time on Sunday, the source told the Guardian, followed by a video and email announcement, then a series of conference calls mapping out a blitzkrieg tour beginning in Iowa and looking ahead to more early primary states.
For some reason, First Lady Senator Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been undeterred by the fierce campaign Republicans have been running against her since, oh, around 1974, but also more recently, for her countless crimes, including but not limited to: personally murdering Americans in Benghazi; laughing ON THE SAME DAY that she talked about Benghazi; using her personal email for Official Business; not even being sorry for using her personal email, and also, yoga; creating ISIS; making her husband declare The Real War on Women by getting a hummer; domestic violencing her husband for getting a hummer; and being old.
Things did not go quite so smoothly for Clinton the last time she decided she wanted to move back to the White House, but times have a'changed since 2008. Democrats are maybe sort of OK with uniting behind Clinton -- unless "Democrat" Jim Webb wins them over with his Reagan fan-boying and Obama bashing. Also, too, she was well-liked during her tenure as secretary of state, even if she did spend the whole time hating America. Not that being secretary of state is any sort of accomplishment. As Straight-Faced And Very Serious Maybe Republican Challenger Carly Fiorina has brilliantly noted, Clinton may "have travelled hundreds of thousands of miles around the globe," but "flying is an activity, not an accomplishment." Unlike coming this close to destroying a major corporation like Hewlett-Packard.
Given that Clinton's current declared opponents collectively have about five seconds of experience in the Senate between them, and also too they are NUTS, she should be able to hold her own. So long as she has someone proofread her campaign website for her, and she isn't Ted Cruz. (She is not. We looked it up.)
Be sure to get your ya-yas about Clinton's campaign out this weekend, though, because on Monday, Florida Man Marco Rubio is expected to announce that he too would like to pretend he will be president one day, and then everyone will forget about Clinton's weekend extravaganza:
One day later, Florida senator Marco Rubio is expected to announce his candidacy in Miami – almost certain to be overshadowed by Clinton’s tour of Iowa and beyond.