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It's the end of the day, so we should all sit around the campfire and watch America's sweethearts on "The View." We are obviously talking about Donald Trump Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle -- he, the man, who left his former wife who is the Duchess of Marinara Sauce and went straight to the arms of she, the woman who used to AirDrop the Fox News studios with pix of his D-I-K, allegedly.

Wait, where are you going? It's video time!


Here is Act One:

Donald Trump Jr. and Kim Guilfoyle 1 www.youtube.com

SYNOPSIS IN ONE RUN-ON SENTENCE WITH PICTURES:

Abby Huntsman said Junior was a total anti-American dickshow for trying to out the whistleblower and Junior the Dickshow whined about people sending him white powder in the mail and was like NO YOU SHUT UP and said it's OK because Drudge said the alleged whistleblower's name and God, these people are almost too normal-looking ...

and anyway then it was Kim Guilfoyle's turn to talk and nothing of consequence was said and then Junior picked up this mug and we guess Kim Guilfoyle couldn't bear to look at that ...

and then Kim was like OMG IT WAS SO CRAZY when I'm-With-Stupid over here tried to out the whistleblower on Twitter, like "mamacita was in the bathroom for 10 minutes!" no really she said that, and everybody was like "LOL" because that's just how it happens at everybody else's house too, daddy outing whistleblowers while mamacita is dropping the kids off at the pool, and Kim was like READ THE TRANCSRIPT!11!1! and y'all probably notice Meghan McCain hasn't talked yet, she's just sitting over there like "I hate these people, I hate these people, I hate these people, they have been DIS-KIND and UN-RESPECT and BESMIRCH STATEMENTS to my FATHER WHO WAS JOHN MCCAIN" ...

but Meghan McCain is going to talk soon, don't worry, and anyway, then the mean ladies on "The View" put the whole READ THE TRASNRIPT!11!!!!!! up on the screen, how rude of them, Junior and his dad don't ACTUALLY want people to read the transcript ...

so in response, Junior said NO QUID PRO QUO (yes there was) and NOBODY IN UKRAINE KNEW DADDY WAS HIDING THE MONEY IN HIS BOTTOM (yes they did) and the women on "The View" just called the dipshits liars to their faces and Meghan McCain continued to remain silent.

END OF FIRST HALF, NOW BEGINS INTERMISSION, PLEASE VISIT THE REFRESHMENT STAND!

Giphy

OK! We promised Meghan McCain would talk, and she is going to talk now that it is Act Two.

Meghan McCain Confronts Donald Trump Jr. on His Father's 'Character' | The View www.youtube.com

Meghan McCain GRRR and Meghan McCain ARGH and Meghan McCain ANGRY and Meghan McCain HAVE YOU NO DECENCY SIR and Meghan McCain HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM and Meghan McCain I HAVE MET JOHN MCCAIN BECAUSE HE WAS MY FATHER AND YOU, SIR, ARE NO JOHN MCCAIN and Meghan McCain THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS and Junior said blah blah black unemployment and blah blah drain the swamp and blah blah "he's a counterpuncher" and the Trumps are the real victims, but Junior did allow that he's sorry John McCain died and Meghan McCain's aunt died and Kimberly Guilfoyle chimed in to say ...

Giphy

because it BREAKS HER HEART when people say mean things about John McCain because her own parents died of cancer, and Whoopi was like "CAN YOU ALL JUST SAY YOU'RE SORRY?" and Meghan McCain said in summary and in conclusion, "civility."

BUT THEN!

That all led into a conversation about how Trump acts like he's so unique in taking unfair political hits and Whoopi said a thing about how presidents need to have enough of "a pair" to deal with it and that made Junior shout from the mountaintops, "MY FATHER'S GOT A PAIR!" and he made this face when he shouted "MY FATHER'S GOT A PAIR!" ...

because that is the face you make when you are talking about your dad's "pair," then Joy Behar talked some more about what a gross fucking shit Junior's dad is, and Junior defended his dad's "pair" some more, by accusing Joy Behar of doing blackface and accusing Whoopi of defending rape.

END OF ACT TWO.

You ready for the encore? The "silly" part? The lighter side of Yuckface and his not-wife?

ENCORE:

Donald Trump Jr. on Who He Hopes Will Win Democratic Presidential Nomination | The View www.youtube.com

Everybody laughed at Junior for daring to go after Hunter Biden for benefiting from nepotism and Junior just lied a lot about his family not making money off the presidency for approximately 100 minutes and then Whoopi rang her bell to shut them up (did we mention she had a bell?) and Junior shared his thoughts on the Democratic primary and he said "you have no idea how many Democrats come up to me" and say nice things about his dad (this is a lie) and BLAH BLAH "PC culture" and BLAH BLAH "leftists" and BLAH BLAH Abby Hunstman decided to end on a "light note" by asking these two crazy kids "When you getting married HUH?" because obviously we all are just wondering when Kim Guilfoyle is going to make an honest man out of Diapers McGrossface, that'll be the royal wedding we never fuckin' watch, and Junior said his greatest sacrifice on the campaign trail for his dad is traveling with Kimberly Guilfoyle (???) and Guilfoyle ended their appearance on "The View" by saying she is Hispanic and Trump is awesome.

Here are pictures of Junior and this lady who is a year older than his stepmom talking about when they are going to unite in holy matrimony:



Afterward, Kim Guilfoyle tweeted that they had the ladies of "The View" TRIGGERED, like the name of her boyfriend's book, accompanied by a video of Kim Guilfoyle not actually TRIGGERING anybody.

Sure, OK.

Good show, dipshits!

And OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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