A Guy Who Has Never Seen 'Mutiny On The Bounty' Explains 'Mutiny On The Bounty' To Donald Trump
Mutiny on the Bunny (1950), Directed by Friz Freleng

Donald Trump has had it with these rebellious governors who think they're the ones who get to say when their states will end the emergency measures aimed at preventing the spread of coronavirus, when in reality, as "president" of the USA, he is the actual boss of them. So this morning, just to make the point clear, he explained the governors had better get in line and respect his authoriteh:

We see what Trump is getting at, here: Any Democratic governor who gets it in their head to extend public health orders beyond whatever date Trump decides they're no longer needed is in actual rebellion against the United States, which is captained by Admiralissimo Donald J. Bligh. Also, it takes a lot of nerve for the crew to mutiny when they're basically lazy and depend on the Captain's generosity to keep from being thrown overboard. They keep that up, they'd better expect to walk the highest yardarm, or at least not to have any swabs sent with their test kits.

Let that be a lesson to the rebellious mutineering Democrat governors, like New York's Andrew Cuomo, California's Gavin Newsom, or the Republican governor of Massachusetts, Charlie Baker, who is also a Democrat now.

Trump appears to have forgotten one small takeaway from the story of Mutiny on the Bounty, which is that you really don't want to have people thinking of you as "Captain Bligh." (Mention this online and you'll also be reminded that the popular retellings may have exaggerated his awfulness, according to Cracked dot com, and the mutineers may have just been after "sweet Tahitian booty" (op cit). Also, Bligh was a pretty fair mariner who, even after being left adrift in the Pacific, managed to navigate his way back to what the English considered civilization.

It didn't take long for the internet to explain that, well actually, Captain Bligh is the bad guy in all three movie versions of the story, because he is obsessed with finding out who stole his strawberries, even as his ship, the USS QuickerPickerUpper faces a huge typhoon. We're supposed to side with the mutineers, led by Jessica Fletcher, a Christian who solved all the mysteries on Pitcairn Island (trigger warning that link, yikes) before moving to Maine with Sebastian Cabot Lodge and Tom Bosley, who wrote a biography of Lyndon Johnson before getting covered in Caro syrup.

As Slate points out, this isn't the first time Trump has

shown a truly heroic ability to misread movies [...] notably Citizen Kane, whose moral he concluded was "Get yourself a different woman."

So frankly, we aren't sure what Trump wants us to think about the Democratic governors, except that he is really mad that anyone would see him as the bad guy, when clearly the bad guy is Marlon Wayans, with his insistence on rebelling against whatever ya got, and then holding the chicken salad between his knees so he wouldn't get pregnant.

Which is pretty silly if you think about it, since you can't really make toast out of breadfruit, dummy. And now it is your Open Thread.

[Slate / Cracked]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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