Donate

Some Guys: Obama Teleported to Mars With Us

News

The latest ploy to draw skepticism (or bizarre, unwanted fandom) to our $99 Million Dollar Man, President Obama, is to suggest that he teleported to Mars during a top-secret CIA mission to explore the planet in the 1980s. According to two guys named Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings, Obama, then known as one "Barry Soetoro," joined them and seven other young Americans, including the current director of DARPA, in a project that involved teleporting to the Red Planet through a so-called "jump room." The claim is apparently serious enough that the White House has taken the time to deny it ever happened to Wired magazine's Spencer Ackerman.


As "chrononauts," Obama and friends were able to visit the sometimes quite hot, sometimes very cold planet far more cheaply than the current U.S. budget would allow. Rather believably, the two men claim, the jump room was adjacent to Los Angeles International Airport! Less helpful for the defense is that the program held its classes at a college in the town of Weed, California, very near the spiritual enclave and alleged vortex region Mount Shasta, where the water is said to have healing powers and that type of thing.

Last year, Obama assured us that we, too, could teleport or probably some other less mentally straining form of -port to the planet at some point within the next 20 years, but since then, NASA's come under budget cuts, so any "space taxi" trips to Mars or elsewhere will likely be done in conjunction with private organizations (Virgin Galactic, to name one). In the meantime: try using your wash closet as a jump room and tell us what happens! [Exopolitics via Wired]

$
Donate with CC

Tough week for Suzanne Israel Tufts, the nice Trump campaign lady with no experience doing investigations who was almost appointed to oversee, or at least overlook, the Interior Department's four ongoing investigations into Ryan Zinke's "ethics," for want of a better word. Not only did she not get that nice job as acting inspector general after the media got hold of the story and everyone said it stank to high heaven, but Tufts, who had been employed at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, suddenly up and quit that job too late Friday. Pour out a 40 (gallon barrel of industrial waste, into a poor community's water source) for her, won't you?

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Once again, the Trump administration is coming after birth control. Specifically, they are looking to issue rules that would roll back the Affordable Care Act mandate that requires that most employers provide insurance that covers it, which would leave god knows how many women across the country without access. The administration had previously attempted to eliminate this mandate last year, but said attempt was blocked by two federal judges on the grounds that doing so would cause "serious and irreparable harm."

But now they're trying again, because forcing people to have unwanted children just seems like a really fantastic time to them, I guess. If these rules manage to get passed, and if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade as it is expected to, the Right will soon be closer than ever to the future filled with barefoot and pregnant women making them sandwiches that they have always dreamed of. For the rest of us, it will be a pretty shitty time.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc