Some Republicans Not Sure What The Cowf*ck Devin Nunes Is Even Doing These Days

There was a time when, in articles about how California Congressman Devin Nunes (R-The Cows Who Pose Sexily For Milk Carton Centerfolds, ALLEGEDLY) has been stupid ever since the day he was born, you almost got the sense that Republicans totally knew Nunes was an idiot, but that they knew it a sort of head-shaking "bless his heart" kind of way. "There goes Devin, bumblefucking his way down the stairs to see a man about a cow," is a thing they might have said, if they were aware of all Devin Nunes Cow Traditions.

But if the article we just read in McClatchy (which is getting SUED by Devin Nunes, who never heard the adage about "don't pick a lawsuit with a man who buys ink by the barrel; you get dirty and the cow likes it") is correct, some Republicans sound like they just don't know what the hell to do with Poor Devin no more:

Republicans who typically support Rep. Devin Nunes are less willing to speak up for him since he filed a lawsuit against one of his own constituents.

Yeah, that was the last straw? It wasn't when he sued an imaginary internet cow? Because if we were Republicans, it woulda been when he sued the make-believe cow.

Oh well, we're all different!

So, they are looking on in horror, we guess, as Nunes sues one of his constituents, a farmer, for signing a petition challenging Nunes appearing on the ballot as a "farmer." (He's an ANIMAL HUSBANDER, dammit. OR IS HE?) He's also suing a librarian, because that's a normal thing to do. And why? According to Heather Greven, who ran the campaign of Andrew Janz, Nunes's Democratic opponent in 2018, it's because he doesn't get "how campaigns work." Sadly, we here at Wonkette are fairly certain Devin Nunes's MENSA brain doesn't get how a lot of things work.

But back to McClatchy (which is, again, SO SUED!):

Half a dozen California Republicans — most of whom have defended Nunes in the past — contacted by McClatchy either did not return a request for comment or outright said they would not comment on the issue.

McClatchy, gonna need you to clarify. Did you talk to "half a dozen" Republican MEMBERS OF CONGRESS from California? Because there are only seven Republican congressmen from California, which means that according to our math (seven minus Devin equals six), if "half a dozen" of them refuse to defend Devin Nunes, then what they really mean to say is that "every other elected Republican congressman from California" is unwilling to say anything nice about Devin Nunes. But maybe that is not what they are saying. (BUT MAYBE IT IS.)

McClatchy did talk to two GOP consultants from the area Nunes represents, whose on-the-record comments about Nunes we think we are summarizing accurately when we say they essentially amount to "HENNNNNNGH?"

Of course, Wonkette is fair and balanced, so we MUST note that McClatchy spoke to a Republican strategist who says Devin Nunes is being totally normal right now:

Mike Der Manouel Jr., a Republican strategist and close Nunes ally, said Nunes is responding in a rational way to people who have continued to target him, and that people who do so are "fair game," regardless of if they're constituents. He called ballot designation challenges "childish."

"You're seeing bloodsport at its highest level in 50 years," Der Manouel said. "You have to show them you'll punch back and punch back hard, otherwise they won't back off."

"If you don't like it, don't launch the attack in the first place," he added.

OK sure, yep, Devin Nunes is being very rational, living his best life and PUNCHIN' BACK, uh huh, that is exactly what we were going to say if that guy hadn't said it first.

And if you gotta sue your own constituents and a handful of fictional Twitter cows in the process, well then, you might just be Devin Nunes.


Here is your OPEN THREAD. Don't sue any cows in the comments section, it's not polite.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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