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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Robert Mueller has fucking had it, Paul Manafort! Last night he filed documents accusing Manafort of witness tampering. The gist is that Manafort was calling people up on Facebook's shitty chat software and trying to get everyone to agree on a story to tell investigators. Now Mueller wants to LOCK HIM UP until the trial, and legal Twitter is pissing itself with laughter.

As the ghost of Richard Nixon dictates Trump's tweets about the powers of the presidency, Trump's TV lawyers are scrambling to avoid a subpoena showdown with Robert Mueller, but first they need to find a way to get Trump to sit down and shut up.

Reporters were nonplussed after Sarah Huckabee Sanders pooted ugly lies about that Trump Tower meeting during yesterday's White House Press Briefing. And even Shep Smith got extra sassy on air! Meanwhile, the New York Times realized that Trump & Co. may have fibbed after Matt Apuzzo rummaged through some old clippings for quotes and found a few ... inconsistencies.

At the end of the day, Trump-Russia is really an exposé on how shockingly common it is for the rich and powerful to buy and sell influence in foreign governments. It's also about pee hookers.

Some of Michael Cohen's records actually will fall under attorney-client privilege, but let's face it: It's mostly dick pics.

Trump has been frantically tweeting about HER EMAILS this morning. Pot, meet kettle.

Lawyers for Buzzfeed scored a significant victory in a libel suit over their publishing THE DOSSIER, and the Russian oligarchs are not happy.

Trump has pulled an invitation for the Philadelphia Eagles to visit the White House after fewer than 10 of the championship winning sportsball team's players were expected to attend. In a statement, Trump bitched, “They disagree with their President because he insists that they proudly stand for the National Anthem, hand on heart, in honor of the great men and women of our military and the people of our country.

Trump's Justice Department says it will appeal a federal court ruling that says Trump can't legally block people who are mean to him on Twitter.

Presidential party monster Ronny Jackson is being investigated by the DOD over allegations that he was a little too liberal with prescription drugs.

The DOD will take control of background checks for federal jobs from OPM, and automate the process to expedite clearances. This way we can blame a robot the next time Jared Kushner can't do his homework.

The DHS is responding to that video of Sen. Jeff Merkley trying to visit a immigrant detention center by saying he "presented an obvious and serious privacy concern," and the staff was worried Merkley might kidnap immigrant children and return them to their parents.

You may want to consider that yesterday's gay cake ruling was a primer for the upcoming SCOTUS showdown on the Muslim ban travel restrictions on immigrants from Muslim-majority countries.

As Trump pushes forward with his dumbass trade war, K Street is freaking out as some of the world's biggest businesses line up to fight back, including the Koch brothers, who've announced a multi-million dollar ad campaign in support of free trade.

The GOP staffers who wrote Trump's tax cuts (for the super rich) have landed themselves sweet gigs at fancy lobbying firms.

Trump is so scared of a "blue wave" that he's started endorsing people who've never taken his loyalty oath.

Michael Grimm, the grifty ex-con who wants his old House seat back, is mad that Donald Trump didn't endorse him and likened his campaign to that of ALLEGED pedophile Roy Moore. However, Grimm may have the last laugh as a new poll shows him leading over incumbent GOP Rep. Dan Donovan, 47 to 37.

Arizona Republicans continue to salivate for the Senate seat occupied by John McCain, who is very much alive. Over the weekend, McCain's former chief of staff Mark Salter had to remind Rep. Paul Gosar of this fact and called Gosar a "dumbass" for begging the state's governor not to appoint McCain's wife in the event of his death.

The coal company owned by West Virginia's turncoat governor Jim Justice is being sued by constituents and employees for bouncing checks. Good thing Trump is bailing out coal companies!

Great job, Republicans of Washington state! You just elected a fucking neo-Nazi from the Charlottesville hate rally to go door to door and recruit people!

A judge has ordered Maine Gov. Paul LePage to start Medicaid expansion. HURRAY!

Iran sent the UN a note to let it know that they've started to increase their nuclear enrichment capacity.

The US ambassador to Germany, Ric Grenell, just gave an interview to Breitbart praising the anti-immigrant Austrian neo-nationalists. There's just so many great people on many sides. On many sides.

The Trump administration is mulling over a plan to put boots on the ground in Yemen to fight Iranian-backed Houthi rebels. This comes after human rights groups complained that the UAE and the Saudis keep indiscriminately killing civilians with US weapons. [Archive]

Jesse Duplantis, that pastor who wanted you to buy him a sweet $54 million dollar jet (for Jesus), says that he was only raising the money for God, and that he's open to flying in the arms of an angel. Or one of his three other planes.

Eric Trump said words to a forgettable coffee table magazine but the best part is this line: "My father’s life became exponentially worse the minute he decided to run for president." Tell us about it, buddy.

Shady tech company Wikistrat sells itself as a data firm, but it's really an intelligence agency with ties to the Middle East, and nobody is sure who they're working for.

Buried deep in the new military budget are a couple of lines about a massive program to use AI to sift through data piles and ID potential nuclear missile programs. It's not Skynet, but it's close!

And here's your morning Nice Time! Squeaky otters!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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