WHO'S FEELIN' TENSE? Who's got that HFS Just Drop the Goddamn Indictment Already sensation? Well, besides everyone in the White House, of course. Something's coming, and soon. Take it from Robert Mueller and his pals at the Special Counsel's Office (SCO), who have just given us some pretty broad hints on their timeline. Seems they're almost ready to tell the court about all the sexxxxxy cooperating dirts they're getting from flippers Manafort and Gates -- but not quite yet.
On Wednesday, the SCO filed a Status Report with the US District Court in DC saying that they're still squeezing Little Ricky for all he's worth, and they'll get back to the court in sixty days about all the investigations he's helping with.
To date, the status of this matter has not changed substantially since the August report, as defendant Gates continues to cooperate with respect to several ongoing investigations, and accordingly the parties do not believe it is appropriate to commence the sentencing process at this time.
Hydration is key, Rick! Gotta pace yourself when you're cooperating in "several ongoing investigations." You, too Pauly, because lookie here at the Joint Motion for Extension of Time to File Joint Status Report filed yesterday in Manafort's case. The SCO and Manafort's lawyers were supposed to update the court on the case, BUT THEY NEED AN EXTRA TEN DAYS.
At the hearing on September 14, 2018, the Court ordered the parties to submit a joint status report on November 16, 2018. The parties have been meeting since the hearing date. The parties believe a brief extension of the status report date, until November 26, 2018, will allow them to provide the Court with a report that will be of greater assistance in the Court's management of this matter.
So sorry the SCO can't tell Your Honor about Mr. Manafort's status at the moment, because whatever he's helping with is coming to a head imminently. BRB after Thanksgiving.
BECAUSE OMGOMGOMG IT'S FINALLY INDICTMENT THIRTY! Probably. Maybe?
We take you live to the Wonkette Seekrit Chatcave morning meeting.
We're going to make the wild assumption that Mueller's not charging anyone the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Which means that we've got three business days for whatever's holding up Manafort's Status Report to shake out. Not for nothing, but doesn't Mueller usually bring us gifts on Friday afternoons?
And, hmmmm, looks like the Commander in Tweet is awful quiet this morning. Cue that Phil Collins drum riff from In the Air Tonight and get your popcorn ready.
TICK TOCK, MOTHERFUCKERS.
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