Law enforcement authorities had to break the sad news today that there will be absolutely no sexing at the upcoming Republican and Democratic National Conventions. Apparently, every four years a bunch of sex-worker advocacy groups issue dire predictions that prostitution will skyrocket in convention cities, and then everybody is horribly disappointed to discover that the only whoring that goes on is the very dull, "I'll trade you one Bridge to Nowhere for your cloture vote" kind of crap that makes people hate politicians in the first place.

St. Paul police spokesman Tom Walsh said he had spoken with former host cities' police departments, "And what they have reported to us is that is that there is not an increase in that kind of traffic. There is so much going on, I don't know that there is a lot of unstructured time to be involved in any other activities."

Of course, your typical conventioneer is a middle-aged woman with stickers on her face and a massive collection of jean shorts -- not exactly the demographic that normally patronizes ladies and gentlemen of the night.

Meanwhile, the three-day Paultard "Rally for the Republic" will feature live sex shows starring your favorite hobbits and Star Wars characters. Book your tickets now!

Convention 'prostitution boom'? Not likely, cops say [Star Tribune]