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You kind of have to hand it to Tiffany Brown, an entrepreneur, "mogul," designer, wellness specialist, doctor-of-something (her LinkedIn doesn't say!) out of Atlanta. She's got hustle! Maybe not enough hustle to follow through on her promised 30 million hot meals ready to eat for Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria. And maybe not enough hustle to follow through on at least five other contracts that have been canceled by various branches of the government over the past few years. But she knows her way around the system! Although maybe not the system of "delivering stuff you promised." As of now, her business lifestyle website, tiffanycbrown.com, is down, most certainly unable to handle the large traffic delivered by curious readers of the New York Times. But while it was up, it had posts about cookie dough you can eat raw, and how to best define your natural curls.


You don't have to hand it to her for demanding $70 million from FEMA for canceling her contract for 30 million hot meals for Puerto Rico, after she only delivered 50,000 of them. Such chootzpah should really not be rewarded.

On the one hand, this sounds healthy and delicious but how are a staff of 11 going to make 30 million meals?

Ms. Brown, who is adept at navigating the federal contracting system, hired a wedding caterer in Atlanta with a staff of 11 to freeze-dry wild mushrooms and rice, chicken and rice, and vegetable soup. She found a nonprofit in Texas that had shipped food aid overseas and domestically, including to a Houston food bank after Hurricane Harvey.

And on the other hand, I JUST SAID THIS!

By the time 18.5 million meals were due, Tribute had delivered only 50,000.

And on the OTHER other hand:

After Tribute’s failure to provide the meals became clear, FEMA formally terminated the contract for cause, citing Tribute’s late delivery of approved meals. Ms. Brown is disputing the termination. On Dec. 22, she filed an appeal, arguing that the real reason FEMA canceled her contract was because the meals were packed separately from the heating pouches, not because of their late delivery. Ms. Brown claims the agency did not specify that the meals and heaters had to be together.

She is seeking a settlement of at least $70 million.

Nah girl. Nah.

FEMA claims it was all fine anyway, there was tons of food and nobody was hungry and nobody died. Ayup.

The long-memoried reader might note that this unfilled contract for the devastated citizens of Puerto Rico was not the only one where FEMA picked a bunch of assholes who couldn't do the job. There was also the $30 million in tarps, and whatever grifty shit Whitefish Energy was up to.

One asshole who did a little too good of a job, Jose Andres, had his two-week contracts with FEMA discontinued after he served up only 2.3 million hot meals all over the island -- and when he wanted a longer, 60-day contract for his nonprofit, FEMA balked. After all, how could FEMA give a $30 million contract to someone who'd proved he could actually feed people, when it had to give $156 million to this one lady who couldn't?

[NYT]

Wonkette is ad-free, independent, and doesn't get a dime in federal contracts -- or anyone else's! Please feed the baby.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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