SOTU Drinking Game: Straight Up-and-Down Vote, No Chaser
We've got our night all planned out. Once we've finished the candy we collected from Jesse Jackson's decimated paper-mache torso, we'll sit down in front of the ol' electronic hearth, pour out a drink (Wild Turkey 101, neat), and turn on C-SPAN to figure out the State of our crazy, mixed-up Union.
Sure, it's the same damn thing every year, and as Executive Branch Kabuki goes, it's beaten in boringness only by inaugurations, but hell, it's good for a laugh, and it gives bloggers something to write about. If you've been paying attention (and we know you have), you'll probably do pretty well on this SOTU Predictions Quiz. There are even prizes (which makes it more of a contest than a "quiz"), including, oddly enough, a Wonkette t-shirt. We're gonna check on the legality of that -- thankfully, half of us went to law school.
HuffPo funnyman (the presence of one of those words tends to negate the other, but bear with us) Marty Kaplan preemptively covers the coverage, or something. The real fun here, per usual at the Huffington Post, is reading the comments. Oh, those cheeky, barely-literate scamps!
Sure, 2 drinks for every mention of "God" will get you loaded -- but where's the sport? We thought we'd add a couple variations:
* Every time Bush mentions Iran: 1 drink
* Hamas: 1 drink
* North Korea: 1 drink
* Bush begins a sentence with "British Intelligence...": Drink an entire bottle of whatever you were drinking three years ago, throw it at the TV
* Bush mentions the people of New Orleans: Cry into your beer, then drink it.
* Bush mentions the people of New Orleans in a positive light: Shot of bitters.
* Bush mentions Hurricane Katrina: Tell person sitting next to you that you'll refill their glass, leave town for a couple days.
* Bush mentions Hurricane Katrina in a positive light: Check the label.
* Every time Bush makes reference to a previous President's SOTU address: 1 drink.
* If the reference is to a Democratic President's speech: 2 drinks.
* To Grover Cleveland's 1888 address: Finish the bottle.
* Bush mentions Coretta Scott King: pour out a 40 on the curb.
* Chris Penn: Pour out a 40, a steak, and a milkshake on the curb.
* "Health Savings Accounts": Enjoy the freedom to choose a drink you can't afford.
* Bush ends the speech with "Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?": A billion drinks.
Don't forget, kids -- Ana Marie's coming by tonight to liveblog the speech. Hope to see you there.