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He swears to tell the truth. His friends do too.


Robert Mueller has a grand jury, everyone! It's morning in America! OK not yet, really, but that is some good and hopeful news. The Senate is advancing bipartisan legislation to protect Mueller's investigation, and has also locked in nine pro forma Senate sessions during Congress's recess, which means Trump can't fire people and recess appoint slobbering minions who will do his bidding and fire Mueller.

And that's really good, because Vox reports that a shit ton of high-ranking FBI officials will likely be called to testify against Donald Trump in the obstruction of justice part of the investigation, specifically related to his treatment and eventual firing of former FBI director James Comey. That's right, this isn't just James Comey's (honest) word against Donald Trump's (pathological liar) word. (Remember when it came out that Trump's own lawyers always met with him in pairs, because he's such a liehole?) It could be upwards of TEN FBI people with close knowledge of Trump's attempts to obstruct justice by the pussy, including one guy who was in the room when the president called Comey:

Shortly after the appointment of special counsel Robert Mueller in May, acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe told several of the highest-ranking managers of the bureau they should consider themselves possible witnesses in any investigation into whether President Donald Trump engaged in obstruction of justice, according to two senior federal law enforcement officials. [...]

“What you are going to have is the potential for a powerful obstruction case,” a senior law enforcement official said. “You are going to have the [former] FBI director testify, and then the acting director, the chief of staff to the FBI director, the FBI’s general counsel, and then others, one right after another. This has never been the word of Trump against what [James Comey] has had to say. This is more like the Federal Bureau of Investigation versus Donald Trump.”

Oh lordy, what has Trump gotten himself into? Does he really think he wins against the FBI?

The reason so many people might be called to back Comey up is that, on top of how he wrote memos about every creepy encounter he had with Trump, he also filled top folks in on those creepy encounters soon after they happened, so there would be bunches of corroborating witnesses. Vox lists McCabe and several others likely to be called, including Jim Rybicki, who was Comey's chief of staff. He's the one who got to hear one of Comey's NSFW phone calls with Trump in person, because they were having a meeting when it happened.

Trump used part of his Hitler For Dummies rally Thursday night in West Virginia to do his usual song and dance about how the Russia story is a hoax made up by dejected Democrats, how we REALLY should be looking for Hillary Clinton's 33,000 deleted emails, lock her up, lock her up, burp fart vomit shit, and so on.

But Trump added a new twist, saying Hillary Clinton's loss was the "greatest loss in the history of American politics," which should come as a surprise to the candidates in pretty much every election ever. He also told the gathered flock of #MAGA hat-wearing pork chops that the Trump-Russia investigation is a literal INSULT to all those people who voted for him:

They can’t beat us at the voting booths, so they’re trying to cheat you out of the future and the future that you want. They’re trying to cheat you out of the leadership that you want with a fake story that is demeaning to all of us, and most importantly demeaning to our country and demeaning to our Constitution.”

Wow, so demeaning! Why is all the top brass at the FBI probably being called to testify in an investigation run by a highly respected Republican former FBI director based on a HOAX that only exists because HILLARY CLINTON has a BUTTHURT in her FEELINGS?

Oh wait, that's not what's happening at all, and President Fuck-Bonkers is full of shit as usual, as are the 23-25% of Americans who adore Donald Trump.

Carry on, Robert Mueller, carry on!

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[Vox / Politico]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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CNN is suing Donald Trump, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and others in an attempt to get Jim Acosta's press credentials restored. CNN attorneys argue that whatever lame excuse the White House fabricated about his beating an intern to death with a microphone, the real reason Trump suspended his White House pass was plain old not liking CNN's coverage, and that there is an unconstitutional violation of the First Amendment.

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Photo: Wikimedia Commons

LOVE AND MAWWIAGE! That is what brings us here today. More or less.

In fact, what brings us here today is Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp's herculean efforts to drag his ratfucking carcass across the gubernatorial finish line after disenfranchising a million of his constituents who wanted to elect Stacey Abrams. Like Prince Humperdinck shouting, "Man and Wife! Say Man and Wife!" Kemp insists that the vote tally MUST be certified tomorrow, whether the counting is finished or not. And if not, well, so much the better.

The part of Westley will be played today by Common Cause Georgia -- which makes perfect sense if you are a Millennial or Gen X-er. (And if not, apologies!) On November 5, Common Cause made a novel claim against the state of Georgia. They weren't saying that Kemp was deliberately ratfucking the voter data base himself. But they did argue that the insecurity of voter information guarded by the secretary of state violated voters' due process rights because anyone could break in and change the data.

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