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He swears to tell the truth. His friends do too.


Robert Mueller has a grand jury, everyone! It's morning in America! OK not yet, really, but that is some good and hopeful news. The Senate is advancing bipartisan legislation to protect Mueller's investigation, and has also locked in nine pro forma Senate sessions during Congress's recess, which means Trump can't fire people and recess appoint slobbering minions who will do his bidding and fire Mueller.

And that's really good, because Vox reports that a shit ton of high-ranking FBI officials will likely be called to testify against Donald Trump in the obstruction of justice part of the investigation, specifically related to his treatment and eventual firing of former FBI director James Comey. That's right, this isn't just James Comey's (honest) word against Donald Trump's (pathological liar) word. (Remember when it came out that Trump's own lawyers always met with him in pairs, because he's such a liehole?) It could be upwards of TEN FBI people with close knowledge of Trump's attempts to obstruct justice by the pussy, including one guy who was in the room when the president called Comey:

Shortly after the appointment of special counsel Robert Mueller in May, acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe told several of the highest-ranking managers of the bureau they should consider themselves possible witnesses in any investigation into whether President Donald Trump engaged in obstruction of justice, according to two senior federal law enforcement officials. [...]

“What you are going to have is the potential for a powerful obstruction case,” a senior law enforcement official said. “You are going to have the [former] FBI director testify, and then the acting director, the chief of staff to the FBI director, the FBI’s general counsel, and then others, one right after another. This has never been the word of Trump against what [James Comey] has had to say. This is more like the Federal Bureau of Investigation versus Donald Trump.”

Oh lordy, what has Trump gotten himself into? Does he really think he wins against the FBI?

The reason so many people might be called to back Comey up is that, on top of how he wrote memos about every creepy encounter he had with Trump, he also filled top folks in on those creepy encounters soon after they happened, so there would be bunches of corroborating witnesses. Vox lists McCabe and several others likely to be called, including Jim Rybicki, who was Comey's chief of staff. He's the one who got to hear one of Comey's NSFW phone calls with Trump in person, because they were having a meeting when it happened.

Trump used part of his Hitler For Dummies rally Thursday night in West Virginia to do his usual song and dance about how the Russia story is a hoax made up by dejected Democrats, how we REALLY should be looking for Hillary Clinton's 33,000 deleted emails, lock her up, lock her up, burp fart vomit shit, and so on.

But Trump added a new twist, saying Hillary Clinton's loss was the "greatest loss in the history of American politics," which should come as a surprise to the candidates in pretty much every election ever. He also told the gathered flock of #MAGA hat-wearing pork chops that the Trump-Russia investigation is a literal INSULT to all those people who voted for him:

They can’t beat us at the voting booths, so they’re trying to cheat you out of the future and the future that you want. They’re trying to cheat you out of the leadership that you want with a fake story that is demeaning to all of us, and most importantly demeaning to our country and demeaning to our Constitution.”

Wow, so demeaning! Why is all the top brass at the FBI probably being called to testify in an investigation run by a highly respected Republican former FBI director based on a HOAX that only exists because HILLARY CLINTON has a BUTTHURT in her FEELINGS?

Oh wait, that's not what's happening at all, and President Fuck-Bonkers is full of shit as usual, as are the 23-25% of Americans who adore Donald Trump.

Carry on, Robert Mueller, carry on!

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[Vox / Politico]

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There are perks to being the only Harvard professor willing to shill for the Bush League Mussolini. Everyone else has to haul ass to the Fox studio and sit for hair and makeup. Not Alan Dershowitz! He just parks his laptop in Pee Wee's playhouse and Skypes in that rant. Is he even wearing pants? We hope never to find out!

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Donald Trump hasn't been very busy today, because he is a lazy ass who lives in the People's House on the People's Dime and he doesn't really want to work. Also it's way funner for him to stay in the White House residence in his underpants and live-tweet his Executive Time while he ignores his wife Melon.

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