Hot shit damn, the excerpts are dropping from Mary Trump's new book, and if they are any indication, this book really could have just been called Daddy Issues, the way it explains the fucked up psychology of Men Named Trump.

Donald Trump, through his family proxies, has tried and failed (so far) to block the book's release, but the release date has now been moved up to July 14, one week from today, instead of July 28. There's just so much "high demand" and "extraordinary interest," according to Simon & Schuster, which is really just having a wet hot American summer of fucking up the Trump family right now. (More on that in a minute!)

Wanna know a trivia from the book? Donald Trump paid somebody to take his SATs for him! LOL! Like a common Felicity Huffman Aunt Becky from "Full House"! LOL! (Also more on that in a minute!)

First, the daddy issues stuff, though. The Daily Mail has one of the longest summaries, and it screams, "This is how Donald Trump ended up creating Donald Trump Jr." Let's take a look:


In case you cannot embiggen that, it says Trump suffered "child abuse" from his father Fred Trump, which "caused him terror that would scar him for life."

Here's a fuller quote:

'Love meant nothing to Fred; he expected obedience, that was all. Over time, Donald became afraid that asking for comfort or attention would provoke his father's anger or indifference when Donald was most vulnerable.

'That Fred would become the primary source of Donald's solace when he was much more likely to be a source of fear or rejection put Donald in an intolerable position: total dependence on a caregiver who also caused him terror. Donald suffered deprivations that would scar him for life.'

The Washington Post's report on the book adds even more color, saying the neglect Trump suffered as a child ruined his "ability to develop and experience the entire spectrum of human emotion."

All of this reminds us of that Facebook post from Scott Melker, a classmate of Donald Trump Jr.'s at the University of Pennsylvania, which tells the (unconfirmed) story of Donald Trump visiting his weird-faced son at college to take him to a baseball game. With all Junior's friends watching, the story goes, Daddy Trump slapped the shit out of Junior and told him to put on a suit. Melker was also, we believe, the first to tell how Junior was known as "Diaper Don" in college, because of how he was always drunkenly wetting himself all over everything in the whole world. Vanity Fair reporter Emily Jane Fox confirmed the "Diaper Don" story in her book about Junior's wet panties.

Remember Junior's birthday at Mar-a-Lago, where it seemed like his dad didn't even notice he was there, much less having a birthday?

Remember that disgusting story about how when Junior was a little boy, he would go to give his dad a kiss in the morning, only to be called a loser, because he made the mistake of saying he trusted his dad?

Remember Junior constantly and pathetically begging for Daddy's love in that Father's Day interview they recently did? "He absolutely despised his father," Melker wrote of Junior.

Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Donald Trump, Perpetual Three-Year-Old Sociopath

The back of Mary Trump's book says that "Donald is much as he was at three years old: incapable of growing, learning or evolving, unable to regulate his emotions, moderate his responses, or take in and synthesize information." The Post shares this quote: "By limiting Donald's access to his own feelings and rendering many of them unacceptable, Fred perverted his son's perception of the world and damaged his ability to live in it."

Here are some other things Mary Trump writes about Donald:

The 55-year-old psychologist also compares Donald to Frankenstein's monster, only unlike Dr Frankenstein, he is 'proud of his monster'.

She writes: 'He glories in its anger and its destruction and while he cannot imagine its love, he believes in all his heart in its rage. He is Frankenstein without the conscience.' [...]

Mary writes that a case could be made that Donald 'meets the criteria for antisocial personality disorder, which in its most severe form is generally considered sociopathy, but can also refer to chronic criminality, arrogance, and disregard for others'.

All of this does sound like Donald Trump.

One sad story from the book, related here by Maggie Haberman, is about how Donald behaved the night his older brother Freddy died:

Freddy Trump died in 1981 from an alcohol-induced heart attack when he was 42, and Ms. Trump tells the story in her book about how his family sent him to the hospital alone on the night of his death. No one went with him, Ms. Trump writes.

Donald Trump, she added, went to see a movie.

What a nice family the Trumps are. And let's not forget how Donald reportedly took revenge on Fred III for contesting Fred's will, by going back on a promise he'd made to cover medical care for Fred III's critically ill baby, who had cerebral palsy. "I was angry because they sued," Trump explained.

'Cheating As A Way Of Life,' Or That Time Trump PAID SOMEBODY TO TAKE HIS SATS BECAUSE HE'S SO STUPID LOLOLOL

Mary Trump writes of Trump's m.o. as "cheating as a way of life," and that comes through in Maggie Haberman's excerpts:

As a high school student in Queens, Ms. Trump writes, Donald Trump paid someone to take a precollegiate test, the SAT, on his behalf. The high score the proxy earned for him, Ms. Trump adds, helped the young Mr. Trump to later gain admittance as an undergraduate to the University of Pennsylvania's prestigious Wharton business school.

Mr. Trump has often boasted about attending Wharton, which he has referred to as "the best school in the world" and "super genius stuff."

Oh my God. We've been asking to see his college grades forever, we've always suspected there was fuckery in how he got into that school in the first place, and here it is. He paid a dude. He, who claims he is a "Stable Genius," who thinks he has one of the world's great intellects, paid a dude to take the SATs and get him into college. (Kinda like how Russia got him into the Electoral College!)

The Daily Mail has some mockery from Trump's sister Maryanne Trump, who reportedly called Trump a "clown" to Mary as they had lunch one day, and also LOLed at his bankruptcies:

'''Does anybody even believe the bulls*** that he's a self-made man?'' I asked ''Well,'' Maryanne said, dry as the Sahara, ''he has had five bankruptcies.'"

Oh my God, the entire family hates him so much.

As we said, the book, barring any more fuckery from the Trump family, comes out in one week. So that just adds to Simon & Schuster's pile of fun Trump beach reads! They had John Bolton's book. They've got Mary Trump's book. And yesterday came news that Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, who was once Melania Trump's confidante, for many years, has her own tell-all coming, from Simon & Schuster, of course.

Keep 'em comin'!

[Daily Mail / Politico / Washington Post / New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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