Nancy Pelosi: Oh, You Want An Impeachment Vote? Let Me Shove That Up You.
Get your dancing shoes on, Gippers, it's time for the big pivot! For weeks, Republicans have been howling NO IMPEACH! NO IMPEACH! ADAM SCHIFF IS THE REAL PEACH! as if that were a cogent response to the daily barrage of details about Trump's quid pro quo shakedown of Ukraine. "Cain't be no impeachment investigation without no impeachment vote," they brayed confidently, citing the noted legal authority of Justice Murdoch of the Foxth Circuit.
Here on Planet Earth, there's no such rule. White House Counsel Pat Cipollone pulled that one right out of his ass, which is more or less what Judge Beryl Howell said on Friday when she told the DOJ to cough up the unredacted Mueller Report because you don't need a vote for an impeachment investigation -- "no governing law requires this test—not the Constitution, not House Rules, and not Rule 6(e), and so imposing this test would be an impermissible intrusion on the House's constitutional authority[.]"
But Speaker Nancy Pelosi does not play, so yesterday she called the GOP's bluff. Here's her "Dear Colleague" letter 'splaining that, although legally no vote is required, they'll be checking that particular box on Thursday. After which, the executive branch will immediately start complying with all evidentiary requests since their entire bullshit justification for obstructing Congress just disappeared. So pony up, fuckers!
Only she said it nicer, because she's a fancy lady with a closetful of chiffon scarves.
We are taking this step to eliminate any doubt as to whether the Trump Administration may withhold documents, prevent witness testimony, disregard duly authorized subpoenas, or continue obstructing the House of Representatives.
But the sentiment was the same.
The Republican Bad Faith Machine immediately lurched into action. Although they'd been daring Democrats to take the vote, the GOP's new line is that impeachment is UNLEGAL now because, ummm, something something fruit of the poison tree.
"You can't fix this process at this point, where they've done so much in secret," Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Satan's Ski Lodge), told Politico. "But the fact that they now feel like they've got to move and do something in public shows you it's an admission of guilt." It's unfixable, see? So the testimony from those dozen witnesses saying that Donald Trump withheld $391 million in congressionally allocated defense aid to Ukraine until President Zelenskyy would "go to a microphone and say he is opening investigations of Biden and 2016 election interference" just disappears. It's magic!
And look who finally downloaded that thesaurus app!
But Madam Speaker wasn't done yet. Politico reports that she's putting the investigation in the hands of the House Intelligence Committee. Sorry Chairman Nadler, but it's for the best! Because guess who isn't on HPSCI?
That's right, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass just got locked out of asking questions for real when this inquiry goes public. Because for reasons entirely clear, neither Jim Jordan nor Mark Meadows has been deemed worthy of a place on the Intel Committee by their own caucus. Womp womp.
Mark Meadows is PISSED.
Cry harder! Oh, hey, you know who is on that committee? Retiring Texas Rep. Will Hurd, a former CIA officer who has at least tepidly endorsed the impeachment inquiry and is probably not going to be down with GOP efforts to smear career public servants as part of a Deep State cabal.
The Republican's great white hope on Intel is Rep. John Ratcliffe, whose nomination for Director of National Intelligence was derailed after he got caught telling one or twelve tiny exaggerations about his resume. Last week Judge Andrew Napolitano told the Kurvy Kouch Krew, "I am dying to see if John Ratcliffe's cross examination of Ambassador Taylor was as aggressive and successful as Republicans claim it is. John Ratcliffe is a former serious trial lawyer who knows how to cross examine, we didn't get to see it." But we did get to read the transcript of him being an absolute, paste-eating idiot when he interviewed Lisa Page.
"Your inability to answer tells me a lot. And what it tells me is inconsistent," he told Page, in a preview of his devastating interrogation skills.
For his part, Donald Trump has decreed that the party must now pivot to defending his glorious, patriotic conduct, rather than dicking around with "process," telling reporters yesterday, "I'd rather go into the details of the case rather than process. Process is good, but I think you ought to look at the case."
So, lie then? Yeah, we think he means lie. And here's Mark Meadows doing just that.
Yeah, okay buddy, save it for the cameras. Oh, wait! Miss Nancy just benched you for that performance. What a shame!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.