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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Trump is DEMANDING an investigation into the Justice Department over a report that the FBI sent an informant to poke Carter Page and George Papadopoulos. Several hours later, Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein released a carefully worded statement about investigating any "inappropriate" action. This morning Trump's been tweeting like a crazy person, and a number of DOJ officials are bracing for a "Saturday Night Massacre." [Archive]

Nobody in Trump world wants to talk to Michael Cohen for fear that Robert Mueller may be listening, but Trump is so sure Cohen won't roll over and beg.

A coin-operated gypsy fortune teller in Coney Island has told Rudy Giuliani that Mueller's investigation will be over by September 1, a prognostication that nobody believes.

Thousands of people attended funeral services for 17-year-old Pakistani exchange student Sabika Sheikh, who was gunned down during last week's school shooting.

Though Texas Republican Governor Greg Abbott has called for a moment of silence later today to honor the 10 victims in last week's shooting, his website is still advertising a $250 shotgun giveaway. Meanwhile, Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is blaming the shooting on violent video games, abortion, doors, a lack of Jesus, and unarmed teachers.

In response to the shooting, international arms dealer and NRA head Ollie North says he wants to recruit another million NRA members, and is blaming George Soros and "youngsters ... steeped in a culture of violence" for school shootings.

The US Postmaster General has been fending off demands by Trump to "fuck with" Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, but there's growing concern about spiteful regulatory creep from Congress.

Trump's trade war has arguably failed as Steve Mnuchin conceded NAFTA negotiations may take longer than expected, while the Chinese embarrass Trump's White House by offering vague promises, and reasserting long term economic goals. TLDR: Trump lost his trade war before it even started.

A new report by the House Armed Services Committee suggests the Navy's F-35C stealth fighter is already out-of-date, and is recommending more fancy war planes.

People who know John Bolton are warning not to underestimate him, cautioning that he's making a deliberate attempt to consolidate power and whisper sweet war noise in Trump's ear. [Archive]

With Kevin McCarthy making a power play for the gavel, rumors of an old affair have begun to bubble up, possibly shooting down the Tea Party's rising star.

Trump has been schmoozing the local leaders of fly-over country with White House invites in an attempt to grow his army of sycophants.

There are now 68 Republican seats in the House up for grabs, and there could be more, but analysts and insiders caution that any "blue wave" is going to require a lot more ground work.

Loser and ex-con Don Blankenship will launch a third-party bid in the West Virginia Senate race to replace Joe Manchin, but the state says that's kind of illegal.

Politico has a story about how "Our Revolution" has been quietly struggling to keep itself together and net some electoral wins, with a number of internal sources questioning the group's leadership after a series of failures and departures.

As Democrats in the Texas 7th head back to the polls for a runoff Tuesday, the establishment's distaste for progressive Laura Moser continues to linger.

American Action Network, the conservative nonprofit that carries Paul Ryan's stench, raised a staggering $41.9 million, including a $24.6 million anonymous donation. Who do you think it was? Wall Street? Big pharma? Sheldon Adelson?

There's a debate among pundits and data dorks about whether black candidates can convince enough rural white voters to cast ballots for candidates other than Becky with the good hair.

The Republican nominee for North Dakota's Secretary of State says he's much better now than when he was caught peeping into the windows of female college students.

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has told the NYPD to stop arresting people for pot, and instead issue court summonses to formally scold stoners. #HesRunning2020

As California gets ready to extend Medicaid coverage to undocumented immigrants, conservatives are worried more taco trucks will appear on their corners.

Concern about his Nobel Peace Prize has Trump getting worried that Kim Jong Un might embarrass him (again), so he's quietly wondering if he should bail out.

Europe is intent on keeping the JCPOA alive, even as the US walks away.

Venezuelan President/dictator Nicolas Maduro has managed to hold on to power after an incredibly low turn out in this weekend's elections.

Kellyanne Conway lied her ass off for 20 minutes during an interview with CNN's Brian Stelter before finally derailing the interview by asking who he voted for.

FCC Chairman and corporate-controlled piece of shit Ajit Pai is SO MAD the Senate voted to overturn his rules killing net neutrality.

Mark Zuckerberg will sit down with the EU parliament to talk about privacy (or a lack thereof) tomorrow, and leaders are expected to treat him like an adult instead of a man-baby.

John Oliver 'splainered the sketchy rehab industry, and noted how it's way too easy to "piss money up a fucking wall" in an effort to get clean.

Here's Tina Fey reprising her role as Sarah Palin and singing a song with all the people you wish would you could forget in the season finale of SNL.

And here's your morning Nice Time! KITTIES!



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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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