Stabby Ben Carson Says Violence Is Sometimes The Answer

Don't start no shit won't be no shit.

[contextly_sidebar id="ooXpAGwnWgpnfuOzEUmSDx4Nu30O0Ol6"]Everybody is giving Donald Trump SO MUCH grief right now, just because his supporters are a bunch of violent, "poorly educated" thugs who hate everybody who's smarter and less filled with trans fat and bitterness than they are. But it's not Donald Trump's fault! He's just the "messenger," and do you shoot the messenger? No you do not. First of all, as Trump and Ted Cruz have both explained, it's the fault of Washington DC and the Kenyan gay criminal usurper who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Barack Black-On-Black 99 Problems But The Constitution Ain't One Mumia Abu-Jamal Obama.

[contextly_sidebar id="5FWSoVtMz7zgNZl5YVBnWnZ5ZheydRzb"]But it's also the protesters' fault. They scare weak little Donald J. Trump in his weak little wee wee regions. And if Trump supporters decide to take it upon themselves to protect Dear Leader and America by knocking the shit out of innocent people, or even if one day one of them decides to hike his behemoth-sized beer gut over his shoulder, pull out a gun and shoot somebody, WELL THEY PROBABLY HAD IT COMING.

Ben Carson, Trump's new BFF (who has supposedly been promised a position in the Trump administration!), understands all too well, as he explained to the "Today Show" folks:

Recognize that the people of America are at a different place than I'm at. They're really more at a place where Donald Trump is, because they're so frustrated, and they're angry and they're tired of people trying to manipulate them.

Wait, goddammit, is Ben Carson saying it's Washington's fault too? (SORT OF!) But Dr. Ben Carson The Brain Surgeon also knows that haters gonna hate and sometimes you gotta beat ass:

The problem is that there are those who are being taught that if someone disagrees with you, you have a right to interfere with their First Amendment rights, their ability to express themselves, their freedom of speech ... When people do things wrong, such as [protesting or disrupting], it causes other people to react in a way that is negative. [...]

I think if the protesters continue wtih their Alinsky-ite tactics, there is a real possibility of escalation, because those who are the victims of them have two choices. They can submit to them, and meekly just do whatever those protesters want them to do, or they can fight back. And if they decide to fight back, there could be an escalation.

Now if you think Ben Carson is being dumb and completely fucking insane here, first of all, you are correct. That is ALWAYS the right answer with the good doctor.

But you are also being a big stupidhead if you forget that we are dealing with two of Dr. Carson's greatest areas of expertise: brain surgery The Constitution and brain surgery #ThugLife.

[contextly_sidebar id="3hYwfQknqhQnuelsQIOSvauG2ckLLuoy"]Ben Carson knows when violence is necessary. He's told his story, and hundreds of alternate versions of it, many times before. He stabbed a man JUST TO WATCH HIM DIE. Or a woman. Or a child. Or a steak. He doesn't remember, it was so long ago. He stopped an armed robbery and saved an entire Popeyes Organization from destruction and literal pounds of wasted chicken by telling the robber to hold the guy behind the counter at gunpoint instead of them.

[contextly_sidebar id="fsbaJPXgF68urUj4Q9iO50Q8aTx8KlyW"]Dr. Ben Carson saved his beloved Jaguar (according to his wife Candy) by running after a speeding carjacker with nothing but his feets! And of course, we know the mass shooting that happened in Roseburg, Oregon, could have been stopped if the students had all charged the shooter, the way Ben Carson would have done, had he been there.

As to the Constitution, Carson knows how the First Amendment works. If you are trying to Make America Great Again, and somebody comes in to a political rally where that's on everybody's hats and says something disruptive like "Black people exist," they are COMPLETELY shutting down your own freedom of speech.

[contextly_sidebar id="p93nHRhw2A9yTebMZNOX86ejYxjZ0Csm"]And how does he know this? Because Ben Carson was sitting in God's lap when the Constitution was written, of course! God showed him how Thomas Jefferson wrote some of the Constitution, and which parts of the Bible supersede the Constitution, and then all the founders and Jesus and Carson got in a circle and clapped their hands while Ben Franklin pulled God's pants down and gave Him a blowjob. This proves Carson knows what the First Amendment says.

The point is that Carson knows when to hold 'em, knows when to fold 'em, and also sometimes knows when to stab everybody in the face because Constitutional reasons. At Trump rallies, apparently.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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