Stephen Hawking Has Groupies, And Leon Panetta Spoons With Congress
Mensa spokesmanSTEPHEN HAWKING, who would have been murdered with Zyklon B if he lived in the UK, was spotted lunching in DC with a group ofEIGHT OTHER PEOPLE-- one of whom was sporting an "American flag tank top." Was Stephen enjoying a leisurely snack with the children ofCAMP HAWKING, where campers hike, sing songs, finger paint, and theorize about quantum gravity and black holes? Or has Mr. Hawking befriendedTHE PRODIGY,who made the American flag tank top/shirt famous forever? ...
TheCENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCYandCONGRESShave always had a strained relationship, especially after they fought bitterly in court for custody ofTERRI SCHIAVO. (Why did the CIA want to train Terri as an elite ninja assassin? That was just irresponsible.) But that's all in the past, because SpymasterLEON PANETTAwants to turn a new (redacted) page ...
Since counseling was not working, the estranged couple ingested several tablets ofECSTASY, and after fifteen minutes or so, everything became soft and sexy and really really great. Leon and Congress felt a spectacular, magical connection to one another -- it was like, they should just hot glue their bodies together, and never ever let go. Then Leon apologized for that time the CIA shotJOHN KENNEDYin the head, and Congress said it was sorry for threatening to investigateABU GHRAIB. Then they put on theTHEME FROM SHAFTand got busy. Later that evening,BARNEY FRANKbasically dry humped Leon to death, and Leon just stood there and took it like a man, because what else could he do? ...
REP. ILEANA ROS-LEHTINEN (R-FLA)recently visited an Israeli police station in Sderot, where she perused a collection of pebbles, stones and Qassam rockets that Palestinians have thrown at the small town over the years. Ros-Lehtinen then took a tour of the localISRAELI WHITE PHOSPHOROUS FACTORY."So it goes."
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