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Last Thursday, The Dealmaker in Chief got absolutely spanked by Democrats on the debt ceiling. And he loved it! Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan had hoped to twist Democratic arms until they agreed to raise the debt ceiling for 18 months.


"No, Donald!" they hissed! "We have to push this out past the 2018 midterms. Those Freedom Caucus loons never sign off without a massive hissy fit and bedshitting. We can't let people see that right before they vote! You have to focus!"

But just at that moment, Ivanka wandered in and the old man got distracted. You know, if he wasn't her father, perhaps he'd be dating her!

Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi have been at this a long time.

"How about three months, so we can browbeat you guys with this issue for the rest of the year?" they said.

And before Paul Ryan could P90X him into submission, Donald Trump shouted, "DEAL!"

Check out old Yertle's face!

Blissfully unaware of what he'd done, Donald Trump rolled over for a nice bellyrub from the same reporters who've done nothing but whack him across the snout for months. From The Hill,

Schumer also detailed the phone call he received from Trump after the deal, praising the positive media coverage of their meeting.

“I got a call early this morning,” Schumer recalled. “He said, ‘This was so great!’ Here’s what he said: ‘Do you watch Fox News?’ I said, ‘Not really.’ ‘They’re praising you!’ Meaning me. But he said, ‘And your stations’ — I guess meaning MSNBC and CNN — ‘are praising me! This is great!’”

LORDY.

Chuck's "stations" may have been happy, but Republicans in Congress were PISSED. So the White House dispatched the Treasury Secretary to huddle up with the House Republicans and persuade them that it's actually awesome that they got screwed by a president from their own party. Because who better to wage a charm offensive than Steve Mnuchin, right?

Mr. Irresistible

The whole thing was amazing, but Mnuchin really wowed them with his closing argument.

Vote for the debt ceiling for me.

FOR ME. Win one for the Gipper, and the Gipper is Steve!

Way to read a room, Steve! Sure, a bunch of deficit hawks who actually believe that shit about drowning the government in a bathtub are going to respond to a personal appeal from a Goldman Sachs guy. And your wife would still love you if you lost all your money tomorrow.

SURVEY SAYS:

Rep. Ryan Costello (R-Pa.), via The Hill

About as well received as his wife's Instagram post.

Rep. Dave Brat (R-Va.), via Bloomberg

The comments from the Treasury secretary today were not helpful. I found them to be intellectually insulting.

Rep. Ted Yoho (R-Fl.), via CNN

You know what, unfortunately you don't get voted in or voted out and you can't vote for me.

Random pissed off Republican Congressman, via The Hill

It was a very arrogant lecture that turned off more of the conference. I’m less sold than when I walked into the meeting.

Well-played, Steve!

Does Mnuchin have a plan to get a better deal from Democrats in December? NOPE. Will Trump get rolled again because Chuck Schumer is the tough but loving father figure little Donny always wanted? YEAH, PROBABLY. Has Mnuchin burnt his bridges with the House Freedom Caucus? YUP.

Mnuchin sealed the deal by leaving for another appointment while there was still a line of Congressmen waiting to speak to him. Because he is comically bad at his job. The bill passed with help from Democrats after 90 Republicans decided not to vote for Steve. Turns out that dissing people after asking them to eat a shit sandwich is a losing political strategy! Go know!

Schmuck! Ven er zol handlen mit takhrikhim, volt men oyfgehert shtarbn! (Schmuck! If he were an undertaker, people would stop dying!)

[The Hill / Bloomberg / CNN / Politico]

Good Monday Morning, Wonkers! Click here to fund another week of snarking in Trump's America!

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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