Stop Being A Child About Seafood And Eat Linguine And Clams

It's pasta. It's seafood. Seriously, why the hell aren't you making this already?

Some of you are going to look at some of these ingredients (anchovies, capers, clams), and turn into children shouting "NO NO NO NO HAIRY FISH AND SALTY PEBBLES AND CLAMS, I DON'T WANT TO BEDTIME." Resist this urge, for it is bad and wrong and you should feel bad and wrong for having it. Is the urge resisted? Good. Now that you've taken the first step of accepting your shame, cleanse it by making linguine and clams.

This is another one of our holiday recipes, meaning we made it for a crapload of people, so it's going to serve 7-8 people. Or one Hutt.


3 lbs linguine

1 bunch parsley

1 large shallot

15 cloves garlic (Yes, really)

6 6.5oz cans minced clams

1 1/2 oz capers

3-4 oz tinned anchovies

3/8 cup olive oil

1/4 cup butter

1/2 cup dry white wine

3/8 cup lemon juice

2 dashes tabasco

3 3/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1/2 block grated parmesan

Update: Sorry we originally left the amount of garlic out. The correct amount of garlic is 15 cloves. If it were 16 cloves, we'd make a joke about another day older and deeper in debt. But we won't.

How To Foods!

1. Time for the prep work. Coarsely chop the parsley. If you're working with fresh lemons, squeeze out the lemon juice. Press the garlic into a small mixing bowl. Finely dice the shallot. Strain the canned clams; squeeze out and preserve 1/2 cup of the clam juice and set it aside. Set all the clam meat aside in a separate mixing bowl (MANY BOWLS, HANDLE IT). Grate half a block of parmesan into a bowl and set it aside.

2. Start boiling water in a big-ass pot on high. Add 1 tbl salt.

3. Heat another new pot on high. Add the butter along with the olive oil. When the butter is melted, add 1/2 tsp of salt and the tinned anchovies along with the anchovy oil in the tins. Add the tabasco. Cook for about 5 minutes, or as long as it takes for the anchovies to start to fall apart. Poor, sad anchovies; we barely knew ye.

4. When the anchovies begin to disintegrate, add the diced shallots and the capers, then mix around. Set to medium and cook until the shallots become translucent.

5. When the shallots are ready, add the pressed garlic. Cook for about 3-5 minutes, then add 1/4 tsp salt, the pepper, and the clams. Cook for another five minutes.

6. The water should be boiling by now, so add the linguine to the pot. It'll take about 10 minutes to cook.

7. While that's going, turn your attention back to the other pot. About five minutes after adding the clams, add the white wine, the lemon juice, and the clam juice. Cook for another five minutes, then add about 2/3 of the chopped parsley.

8. When the pasta is done, strain it and set it aside. Cook the other pot for another 3-5 minutes, then toss the pasta and the sauce together along with the remainder of the parsley. Serve with the big-ass bowl of parmesan (what, you thought we'd forget about cheese?).

Now eat your damn pasta and seafood. Is it delicious? Of course it is. Now don't you feel silly for being afraid of it in the first place?


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