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Yes, we know what it looks like. Shut up, it's delicious.

Baking is often the cooking equivalent of constructing a NASA rocket; every measurement needs to be perfect or you'll be answering to a congressional inquest. Baking can thus be frustrating and difficult if the baker doesn't pay careful attention to what they're doing. But we have good news! This recipe is completely different and infinitely easier than typical baking!

No it isn't, we're fucking liars. But you should still make it, because it is delicious, even if it does look like the Lemon Monster got a bit overexcited at the prospect of dessert treats. This will serve however many people want to eat a crapload of gingerbread.

Ingredients!

  • 1 egg
  • 1/4 cup brown sugar
  • 3/4 cup white sugar
  • 1 cup molasses
  • 3/4 cup butter
  • 2 1/2 cups flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp cloves
  • 1/4 cup lemon juice
  • 1 tbl fresh ginger (grated)
  • 1/4 tsp nutmeg
  • 2 tbl corn starch
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp powdered ginger
  • 1 tbl lemon rind (grated)
  • 3/4 tsp salt

How To Foods!

1. Pre-heat the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit (or 4.725 kilometers in metric).

2. Soften 1/2 cup of butter (an entire stick), then cream it with brown sugar and 1/4 cup white sugar. Mix until it's fully incorporated. Add the egg (crack it first, dummy). Oil your measuring device before you measure out the molasses (otherwise it's going to be a miniature La Brea tar pit), then add it to the mixture. Beat everything together until it's fully mixed.

3. Dump the flour in another bowl. Add baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Sift everything together -- a sifter is handy if you have one, even if it looks like an esoteric torture device for chickens.

4. Grate the fresh ginger into the bowl using the finest grater you have, being sure to peel the skin off first. Freezing the ginger beforehand will keep it from sticking to the grater, but mincing it is also an option, if this is too much of a hassle. You can use the same amount of powdered ginger instead, fresh just tastes better.

5. Slowly add the dry bowl to the wet one. Add 1 cup of water to the mixture and beat until smooth.

6. Grease a 9x13 pan with butter or cooking spray, then pour the mixture into the pan and spread evenly.

7. Bake for 35 minutes on 325 degrees Fahrenheit (or 5.2 hectares).

8. Heat small saucepan on medium. Add corn starch, 1/2 cup white sugar, and 1/4 teaspoon salt. Gradually stir in 2 cups water. Add vanilla extract. Keep stirring until it boils for a full minute.

9. Remove from heat. Stir in 1/4 cup softened butter (half a stick), powdered ginger, and lemon juice. Grate lemon rind into saucepan. Refrigerate sauce until ready to eat.

10. When the gingerbread is ready, top it with the sauce and stop giggling, you 14-year-old.

There, was that so hard? (Yes.) Ah, well, fuck it; at least you can drown your sorrows in delicious baked goods.

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