Stop Using Toilet Paper! Tabs, Fri., June 5, 2020

Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

Get your coffee in you, these are bad tabs.

At the first hearing, usually routine, for the three cops charged with abetting Derek Chauvin in George Floyd's murder. (Star Tribune)

Sean Monterrosa, 22, was kneeling when cops shot him. Five times. Sounds like Vallejo, CA, police may have a bit of a history. β€” Buzzfeed

I don't understand what is going on here. Law enforcement seized from the USPS tens of thousands of dollars worth of cloth masks that the Movement for Black Lives was sending to protesters around the country. To be fair, they were inciting insurrection with their printed logo, "Stop Killing Black People." (HuffPost)

I don't understand this either. A multiracial family was followed by a bunch of Washington state rednecks with automatic weapons accusing them of being ANTIFA and trapping them. They were rescued by high school students. β€” Peninsula Daily News

I don't understand anything yestertonight.

Catchy. As. FUCK.

Texas Republican county officials so batshit insane (one asks if Derek Chauvin was maybe MK Ultraed to commit the murder) and racist about George Floyd and the rest of it, pretty much every statewide elected is publicly calling for them to resign, even Ted Cruz. (Texas Tribune)

Why is Drew Brees the very worst kind of white man? Asked and answered by Damon Young, Very Smart Brothas

Damon Young, are perhaps these cops boycotting this grocer because it won't give them free lunches even worse kinds of white men, or the same amount of bad? I await your reply. (Also "boycotting" the place to no longer not give them any money? LOL.) β€” Philly Voice

Eight black women journalists on reporting while black. (Glamour)

Hey Washington Post, does the US spend twice as much on cops as welfare? Okay thank you.

Don't watch if you can't, but please note this is what Buffalo PD called "tripping and falling." Not kidding.

I watched a dozen times and still didn't notice he was trying to return a cop's lost helmet.

Stacey Abrams: "I know voting feels inadequate right now. Just hear me out." Good luck making up for Tom Cotton, NYT.

All Thursday night he howled with laughter about besting the "woke progressive mob" at the New York Times, repeating the phrase over and over. Maybe he thinks we should send in the military to occupy them, like he previously said former editor Bill Keller should be arrested and imprisoned (NYT). Tom Cotton is an unrelenting piece of shit (Me).

When Jennifer Rubin isn't herself creating monsters, she's ... well DAMN Jennifer Rubin. Tear the house down. NO QUARTER for the GOP! "It Takes A Village To Create A Monster. (Washington Post)

Vox Voxsplains why Georgia isn't melting down with coronavirus despite their idiot governor, at least as much as we can know, which we can't. (Vox)

The sick, elderly women, some convicted of murdering abusive husbands, who want clemency from California Gov. Gavin Newsom. β€” Guardian

Also! The Lancet can no longer vouch for the data in its big study showing hydroxybonercream 3000 was actively killing patients. Something hinky about the org that said it had anonymized hospital data. β€” Vox

Look who's a hilarious liar, it's Ted Cruz, surprise. "Cruz calls Obama, Biden actions in Russia probe 'much, much worse' than 'everything Richard Nixon did'." β€” Fox News

Cry, cry for the Trump campaign that looks at electoral map and doesn't like what it sees. Did I say cry? I meant LOL.

It is not clear how fully Mr. Trump grasps the depths of his political peril; when he was asked on Wednesday about trailing Mr. Biden in the polls, he replied, "I have other polls where I'm winning," though he did not cite one. At times, his allies have taken unusual steps to try to calm his frustration, including commissioning and then leaking a poll last month that suggested that Mr. Trump had gained ground rapidly on Mr. Biden, people familiar with the efforts said, even as other Republican and nonpartisan polling showed the president's numbers stagnant.

β€” New York Times

Cry fruit!

Vulture capitalists and their "management companies" are running rural hospitals into the ground, and I mean six feet under. Put away anything fragile or of sentimental value you don't want to smash when you get to the part where they secretly stopped paying the employees' insurance even though they were withholding the money from their checks while the smooth guy operator was tweeting to Ellen and Hootie about how he was "saving" little hospitals and siphoning off all the money to pay other companies he owned. (ProPublica)

How to navigate the Age of Disinformation. Old tab, Brooke Binkowski, Dame

Fine, he metal-detected the circa 1300 golden coin, but he doesn't get to be King of England. The little girl with the lake sword does. You don't like it, take it up with the Lady of the Lake. (Gazette)

How FoodLab Detroit's Executive Director Devita Davison got radicalized around food. β€” Food and Wine

Certainly, Food and Wine, I will click on every slide of "24 red wine recipes." But calling bullshit on your related "best sangria recipes" and refusing them all together. Sangria is: two bottles of red wine (or one big Costco "sangria"), a sliced lemon, a sliced lime, some liquor (peach-flavored grain alcohol at my house), a glug of orange juice, a chopped up apple and a pear if I've got one, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Shit, now I have to click. Goddammit, those were pretty.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

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