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“Bernie basically fed us a bunch of Mountain Dew and now he wants us to go to bed," Iowa delegate Chris Laursentold the Des Moines Register. "It’s not going to happen.”


Yeah, no shit. First Sanders delegates (against his express wishes, and to his palpable, obvious dismay) tried to drown out convention chair Marcia Fudge -- a nice-looking black Congresswoman from Ohio who had the temerity to say the words "Hillary Clinton" -- but they were told to have some respect and she'd show them the same.

It didn't work.

And just minutes ago, the same Sanders delegates -- a loud fucking cohort of them -- chanted through almost all of Congressman Elijah Cummings's speech about his sharecropper parents and how to make progress. (Video here.) "NO TPP," they shouted, over and over, and besides wishing I knew when TPP became the litmus test for progressives, I'd also like to know why those Sanders delegates think they know more about "fair" trade than THE MAN WHO WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS PARENTS BEING SHARECROPPERS, WHILE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT.

Elijah Cummings! Wonkette's legislative badass of the year! THAT Elijah Cummings! A fuckin' HERO!

I like Bernie. Every Wonker does, it is the law. But some of his delegates are being horrifying, and if you want to talk about "privilege" (which, face it, I usually don't!) then the white children drowning out the black lady congressman and the black congressman need to take a look in the fucking mirror.

It's not funny, it's not cute, and if YOUR democracy "looks like" this, go be a fucking Trumpkin and you can be the anti-democratic authoritarian you so clearly wish to be while shouting down your fucking betters. You know you want to, you fucking little pricks.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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While the year 2018 will be remembered for a lot of (mostly terrible) things, it should also go down in history as the year two entirely different women got married to ghosts. Most recently, a lady named Amethyst Realm (of course) made headlines by claiming that after having had sex with at least 20 different ghosts, she had finally settled down with one she met on a flight to Australia. As one does.

But before Amethyst Realm, there was Amanda Teague, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator who was very obsessed with Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, and who in January announced that she had married the ghost of a 300 year-old pirate named Jack Teague. Teague claimed that Jack Teague had been a black Haitian pirate who at one point had been left at the altar, and had been executed for high treason. She also claimed that they had sex -- including a little pregnancy scare -- and that he once bought her a coffee maker.

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Time for another episode of Poppy's Bad Tweets, wherein we answer the eternal question, DOES COMMANDER TWITTER THUMBS HAVE A POINT, OR IS HE JUST SMOCKING CRACK?

(Spoiler alert ....)

Yeah, About That NO COLLUSION...

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