Donate

This is not the dress.


We do not know why porn star Stormy Daniels kept the gold dress (OR IS IT BLUE?) she wore the night Donald Trump allegedly jizzed on her while he cried about how scary sharks are. Maybe she just happened to keep it and never wore it again. Maybe she kept it for blackmail purposes. MAYBE SHE KNEW HE WOULD BE PRESIDENT ONE DAY BECAUSE SHE IS A SPY FOR RUSSIA.

The point is, Stormy Daniels says she has the blue gold dress she wore that fateful night, and she's gonna get that shit tested:

Sources close to Daniels tell The Blast the shimmering gold mini dress with a plunging neckline was kept in pristine condition after her alleged 2006 sexual encounter with Trump at the Lake Tahoe hotel suite.

We’re told Daniels is planning on having the dress forensically tested to search for any DNA that proves she isn’t lying about her tryst with Trump, including samples of skin, hair or … anything.

Like what? Are they talking about Big Mac crumbs? Orange make-up? TRUMPIAN JIZZ FLAKES FROM HELL?

We just have no idea!

According to The Blast, this is the dress:

After Michael Cohen admitted he facilitated/laundered a $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels, for no reason in particular, and definitely having nothing to do with hushing her up about her affair with Donald Trump, who was about to be barely elected president, Daniels said she feels Cohen has broken his agreement, therefore she is ready to talk. And apparently she's got something to send to the forensics lab too!

But how will they get a DNA sample from Donald Trump, to match up with whatever spooge crispies they find on that dress right there? We dunno, maybe put a Big Mac at the top of a flight of really scary stairs and watch the president slobber in fear -- he's scared of stairs -- as he climbs and climbs and climbs in order to get his prize. Grab some DNA from the drool. Or the Big Mac wrapper.

Or just call Tiffany Trump and see if she'll let the nice doctor swab her cheeks and get a half match. She'd probably be willing.

Or ask Vladimir Putin. Pretty sure the Kremlin's got dipshit's DNA. Maybe probable Chinese spy/Putin-banger/Murdoch ex-wife Wendi Deng Murdoch has Putin's Obamaphone number, because of how they used to bone each other, allegedly.

Regardless, we are very excited about BLUE DRESS! Except for this time it is GOLD DRESS!

(Of course it's gold, how else you gonna get Little Trump to peek outside the barn door?)

We miss the old days, when we were just talking about Obama sperms in paintings. We were so innocent then, on Tuesday.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries, so we NEVER DIE.

[The Blast]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Poor People Are Mad As Hell, And They're Not Going to Take It Anymore.

The Poor People's Campaign marched on Washington, and we were there!

Culture Wars
by Dominic Gwinn

Yesterday the new Poor People's Campaign, led by Rev. William Barber and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, concluded 40 days of protest and civil disobedience with a rally on the National Mall. Building off of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr's original Poor People's Campaign 50 years ago, the new campaign is aimed at uniting labor leaders with activists to build a coalition of all marginalized people

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

The police have clearly failed to stop the scourge of black kids selling water to thirsty people, so your average law-abiding, permit-respecting white lady has no choice but to take matters into her own (did we mention they were white?) hands. You might call her a busybody gone power mad or a simple tool of racist micoaggression, but we just call her "Permit Patty."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc