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You didn't think we were just gonna drop this, did you? Hell, Tom Cotton is writing in the newspaper today that we need to buy Greenland, because he was the one who gave Donald Trump the stupid dumb goddamn idea in the first place. And we have a sense that somebody in the White House is hitting the "oh shit" button right now, because not only do we know that story, we also now know that Trump wants to nuke all the hurricanes, because he is a very science-y person like that. (Can't hardly wait for the next 700 leaks about what an unstable halfwit Trump is!) So it of course follows that "Fox & Friends," while mildly poo-pooing the idea of nuking hurricanes, also sorta has a boner for the idea.

A "Fox & Friends" lady (not the one who sits on the idiot couch) noted that aside from how nuking hurricanes wouldn't, you know, work, it would also "spread nuclear fallout across the globe." Steve Doocy stated affirmatively for any viewers who might be slow on the uptake, "And that would be the problem." Story over, right?

HAHAHA, this story is over when BRIAN KILMEADE says it's over.


KILMEADE: You're gonna say this is crazy ...

Oh let's not jump to conclusions.

KILMEADE: ... but I've always thought to myself ...

That's what you get for thinkin', Brian.

KILMEADE: Isn't there anything we can do to stop a Hurricane? I always thought ...

Doocy, again with the uncharacteristic common sense and rational thought:

DOOCY: I don't think an atomic bomb is the way to do it.

But DAAAAAAAAD!

KILMEADE: Right, OK maybe that wouldn't have been my first option [BUT POSSIBLY HIS SECOND, WE GUESS! -- Ed.] but I always think about that, I mean with all the progress we're making, you know, with driverless cars?

DOOCY: Yes?

KILMEADE: And, you know, Instagram?

Wait, what about the space age innovation called The Instagram? Is Brian Kilmeade saying saying that if we can have cars that drive all by themselves AND ALSO, um, a website where Donald Trump Jr. can post this:

Then it just NATURALLY FOLLOWS that we should be able to yell at hurricanes and tell them to YOU JUST STAY UP THERE RIGHT NOW? Maybe with nuclear bombs, though that would not be his first choice, even if it is the first choice of his beloved President Science Fair?

All of this makes sense.

Hey IDEA. King Trump The Smart is pretty sure windmills cause cancer. So ... what if we make NUCLEAR BOMBS out of CANCER WINDMILLS and put them in F35 AIRPLANES that are LITERALLY INVISIBLE, and do SHOOTY SHOOTY at the HURRICANES with NUCLEAR BOMBS WHAT ARE ALSO WINDMILL CANCERS? That'll show 'em hurricanes!

We haven't figured out how raking the forest prevents forest fires factors in here, but rarely is science figured out on the first try.

[video via Lis Power]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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