Stupidest Man On Internet Delivers Election Analysis Worthy Of Stupidest Man On Internet

The media freakout over Tuesday's elections has solidified, and if you want to see some overwrought argle-bargle from some people who are high on their own farts, read Politico Playbook this morning about how IT'S ALL OVER FOREVERRRRRRRR for the Democrats. Likewise, if you want to see something a bit more sane that puts Tuesday's results in perspective, see this Rachel Maddow clip about how pretty much every time there are gubernatorial elections in Virginia and New Jersey, the White House's party loses. Of course, this time, the Republicans' margin in Virginia was rather small, and Democrats actually didn't lose in New Jersey. So when you look at it that way, Democrats did better than expected on Tuesday, by historical standards.

But if you want REAL analysis of what happened, you gotta go to Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, who's really got his finger in the electrical socket of Tuesday's results.

Media Matters explains that on Tuesday night, as votes were being counted, that thing happened in New Jersey where bluer, more populous counties reported their results more slowly, and eventually it started to turn the tide for Democratic incumbent Phil Murphy. Bergen County, the largest county in the state, was one of those where more votes for Murphy came in as the night got later.

But CONSPIRACY WAS AFOOT, as Jim Hoft's equally dim brother Joe reported:

Joe Hoft explained that there had been an "anomoly, er glitch, er whatever…" (yes that's how he spelled all that), which made Bergen County change from reporting 100 percent of the vote, with the Republican Jack Ciattarelli winning 52 percent. BUT THEN IT FLIPPED AND SUDDENLY THERE WAS DUMPS OF MORE VOTES AND IT WAS CONSPIRACY FRAUDS.

As Media Matters notes, Joe Hoft must not have gone to the actual Bergen County election reporting website, which never actually said 100 percent was reporting.

Reading the site's post, however, makes it clear that such online claims had come from people reading the election results on media sites — rather than the county's own election offices — and that those sites appeared to have corrected the claim in their spreadsheets that 100% of votes had reported. (Mail-in ballots in Bergen County races have indeed reportedly favored Democrats this cycle.)

It was bullshit, it was all bullshit.

And then there was Virginia, where Republican Glenn Youngkin beat Terry McAuliffe, which means it was not rigged, because the Republican won. That is how the rules work, if you are an un-American white supremacist Republican who hates actual democracy.

Jim Hoft was willing to ask the hard questions about whether Democrats were UNSTEALING Virginia, just to prove they could:

Gateway Pundit headline: "On One Year Anniversary of the 2020 Election Steal — Was the 2021 Virginia Race a Head-fake by Democrats?"

Hahahahahahahahahaha awesome.

The entire post is amazing. It begins with a straight-faced "history" of what happened on election night last year, about how their beloved Donald Trump — they really never will understand how much normal Americans loathe that man — had his landslide victory stolen from him by "Sleepy Joe." He refers to a "mathematical anomoly!" at one point, because we guess he and his brother learned how to spell "anomaly" from the same wizard-brained idiot.

But then Hoft asks the real question:

As Joe Hoft reported earlier today — One year ago 300,000 votes magically appeared for Joe Biden in the middle of the night to give him the win in Virginia. These magical votes have yet to be explained. The Democrats, fake news and even the Republican Party are incurious.

So where were the magical votes this year? Was this omission on purpose? Was this part of a larger psyop on the American public? Was this part of their game? Throw in McAuliffe as a sacrificial lamb knowing they can steal any future election at will?

So, was the 2021 Virginia race a head-fake by Democrats on the American public?

Yes, that was probably it, Jim. You figured it out. No "anomoly" gets by you.

The end.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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