Stupidest Man On Internet: The Sun Stops Working When It's Cold
The Polar Vortex that's freezing the nation's boogers has already brought us the predictable "so much for global warming, hurr hurr" tweet (Or "global WAMING," which may be different) from President ScienceBrain. That was followed by the equally inevitable, infinitely patient 'splainers of how climate change is actually fucking up winter weather too.
But with the science denier in chief already covering that territory, what was Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, supposed to say about cold weather that was new and different? NEVER misunderestimate Hoft's ability to find an idiotic take on anything, kids. This morning, the editor of the Gateway Pundit had himself a good laugh at crazy liberals who think the sun shines when it's cold!
Hoft tweeted three screenshots of weather apps, all showing below-zero temperatures, and laughed at the folly of idiots who would say we should heat our homes with anything but all-American fossil fuels.
God, you'd have to be a NITWIT SOCIALIST to think solar energy works in below-zero temperatures! It's simply UNPOSSIBLE, like believing wind turbines can generate electricity at night, or that God hears prayers that aren't in English.
Of course a lot of snooty elites had to go and point out that Hoft is maybe just a little wrong about science, because they hate America. They noted that solar panels actually work in the cold, and that even when the sun isn't shining (or when rooftop solar panels are covered in snow), energy can be stored in things called "batteries." We even have an "electric grid" that can still deliver power to homes, and not even the nitwit socialists want anyone to disconnect from the grid -- that's more the province of survivalists who read rightwing slash fiction anyway.
One communist, Chicago-area sports journamalist Patrick Schmidt, even said he heats his home with solar panels and is quite comfortable today, but we bet he's actually just frozen solid and lying about it.
We asked for details, and Mr. Schmidt said it's a passive solar heating system using three panels on his roof. He even mentioned who installed the system, in case you're in the Chicago area and want to get solar heat. Or maybe he's secretly in New Mexico and left that out, because obviously he can't be warm in winter.
Oh, yeah, and how about those damning weather reports Hoft screenshat to prove solar energy is a crock in cold temperatures? Let's yell "ENHANCE!" at the computer!
Suck it libs -- no way to generate any solar power AT ALL this week and you want us all to die in the cold. But at least when we do die in the cold, our blue lips will be smiling because that disproves your precious so-called "global waming." Make America Generate Again!
Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us some money -- Poor Tom's a-cold!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.