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The Polar Vortex that's freezing the nation's boogers has already brought us the predictable "so much for global warming, hurr hurr" tweet (Or "global WAMING," which may be different) from President ScienceBrain. That was followed by the equally inevitable, infinitely patient 'splainers of how climate change is actually fucking up winter weather too.

But with the science denier in chief already covering that territory, what was Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, supposed to say about cold weather that was new and different? NEVER misunderestimate Hoft's ability to find an idiotic take on anything, kids. This morning, the editor of the Gateway Pundit had himself a good laugh at crazy liberals who think the sun shines when it's cold!


Hoft tweeted three screenshots of weather apps, all showing below-zero temperatures, and laughed at the folly of idiots who would say we should heat our homes with anything but all-American fossil fuels.

God, you'd have to be a NITWIT SOCIALIST to think solar energy works in below-zero temperatures! It's simply UNPOSSIBLE, like believing wind turbines can generate electricity at night, or that God hears prayers that aren't in English.

Of course a lot of snooty elites had to go and point out that Hoft is maybe just a little wrong about science, because they hate America. They noted that solar panels actually work in the cold, and that even when the sun isn't shining (or when rooftop solar panels are covered in snow), energy can be stored in things called "batteries." We even have an "electric grid" that can still deliver power to homes, and not even the nitwit socialists want anyone to disconnect from the grid -- that's more the province of survivalists who read rightwing slash fiction anyway.

One communist, Chicago-area sports journamalist Patrick Schmidt, even said he heats his home with solar panels and is quite comfortable today, but we bet he's actually just frozen solid and lying about it.

We asked for details, and Mr. Schmidt said it's a passive solar heating system using three panels on his roof. He even mentioned who installed the system, in case you're in the Chicago area and want to get solar heat. Or maybe he's secretly in New Mexico and left that out, because obviously he can't be warm in winter.

Oh, yeah, and how about those damning weather reports Hoft screenshat to prove solar energy is a crock in cold temperatures? Let's yell "ENHANCE!" at the computer!

Suck it libs -- no way to generate any solar power AT ALL this week and you want us all to die in the cold. But at least when we do die in the cold, our blue lips will be smiling because that disproves your precious so-called "global waming." Make America Generate Again!

[Jim Hoft on Twitter / Daily Beast / Mother Jones]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Hello! Here a beautiful open thread for you to not comment all over, so that you don't not comment all over Dok's book club post.

I was gonna drop my Nonnie's recipe for Easter bread in here, but apparently it has to proof overnight and is also for approximately 87,000 people, so not much of a point to that! (Though here it is if you really want it. She doesn't do the egg thing, but if you want, you can put some dyed raw eggs in the braided dough before you bake. And you can add sprinkles, and anise if you're gross and like gross things) I was gonna try and make it myself last night, but have instead opted to just make waffles. Waffles are FINE.

So instead, I shall just leave you with this absolutely terrifying version of The Velveteen Rabbit starring Marie Osmond as said velveteen rabbit. Coincidentally, Marie Osmond is also Nonnie's 2nd arch-nemesis, after Rachel Ray (Rachel Ray because she doesn't pull her hair back when she cooks, and Marie for reasons I'm not entirely clear on but which I believe are related to a Weight Watchers commercial).

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT starring Marie Osmond - full length feature youtu.be


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'Unemployed men queued outside a depression soup kitchen opened in Chicago by Al Capone' -- National Archives

Happy Day Before Half-Priced Easter Chocolate Day, Wonkers! Time to wrap up our Wonkette Book Club discussion of Winter War: Hoover, Roosevelt, and the First Clash Over the New Deal, by Erich Rauchway, a historian at UC-Davis. We're increasingly convinced the book might have just as well been titled Herbert Hoover: Christ, What An Asshole! As ever, even if you haven't finished the reading, jump in anyway -- there won't be a test!

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