Suck It, Uggos: Fox News Wants To Isolate Unloved Kids On Valentine's Day
Remember in school when you got those sweaty palms and sweaty armpits and sweaty everything else before you gave your "I Choo-Choo-Choose You" valentine to Lisa Simpson or whoever was the cutest girl in second grade?
Well, the Precious Snowflake Police are on top of things nowadays, making sure that if you bring a valentine for your elementary school sweetheart, you must bring valentines for the entire class. We are ok with this because the unpopular kids probably have a zillion shitty days of feeling excluded and being picked last for kickball and being ignored at lunch while they read their favorite Hardy Boys mystery for the umpteenth time.
However, one Fox News guest wants to teach unloved seven- and eight-year-olds that life ain't fair and they need to fucking get over it because life's a bitch and if you don't learn early that nobody loves you then our entire society has failed at making you feel like a social outcast before you even hit double digits. Because that's exactly what Jesus would say, right after he kicked a cripple in the good leg. Let's lovesplore.
This all arose because a teacher in New Jersey dared to send home a note to parents explaining the request to provide cards for everyone. (Yes, that's right: one teacher in New Jersey definitely makes it news -- Big Sister overreach, probably -- and not a thing that's been totally normal in classrooms nationwide for the past 50 years, or whenever Hallmark started selling Snoopy valentines in perforated-cardboard packs of 36.)
Well, this is clearly unacceptable, as blogger Elizabeth Esther told Fox News host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, per Raw Story:
“To just robotically hand out, ‘Here’s your Valentine, here’s your Valentine.’ Like, what are we? It totally removes the meaning, the special memory for the kids.”
Ah, yes. Those special memories of that we all keep with us, buried in the Hope Chest of our minds, of that one special day in fourth grade when we got that valentine from whats-her-name, the one who later grew up to be a stripper. But Esther goes on:
“You can’t make life 100 percent fair,” she added. “And why not let them experience a little of that, like, ‘Wow, okay,’ while they’re young and the stakes are low rather when they’re 20 years old and they’re still expecting everyone to give them a Valentines.”
Yeah, totally. Life isn't fair, and grade school is the best time to further isolate kids who may already feel awkward because maybe they are poor or practice a different religion or whatever. Because there is no other way that kids ever feel the unfairness of life, except on Valentine's Day. And what dumbfuck 20-year-old expects a valentine from everyone?!? That's just plain stupid, to the point where we can't even find a creative way to describe how stupid it is.
We agree with the actual parenting expert on this one:
Parenting expert Jessica Gottlieb, however, explained that it did feel better for kids to get a Valentine’s Day card instead of being isolated from the rest of the class.
“Believe me, they experience plenty of rejection day in and day out,” Gottlieb said. “There’s absolutely no reason to be excluding them.”
Well if they experience rejection day in and day out, then why make Valentine's Day any different? If they don't feel excluded all the time, how will they ever grow up to be a shitty blogger on Fox News carping about how life isn't fair all the time?
You can watch the video here:
The best valentine DDM could get would be for you to follow him on Twitter (@Wonksplainer).