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Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Life's Really Really Really Rich Pageant Edition

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Man, holiday weekends absolutely SUCK in terms of mocking the Sunday New York Times. Everyone is laying low and recovering from the casual racism and Obamacare conspiracy theories that drove Thanksgiving Day. Politicians have, by and large, refrained from causing trouble back in their home districts. Retail businesses reached new heights of excess for Thirsty Thursday, or whatever the hell we call opening stores on Thanksgiving, and then we had Black Friday and Shop Local Saturday and Sunday is probably feeling pretty left out right now, hmmmm, but as terrible as that was, there's nothing new about it under the sun. So what on earth do we read and talk about this week?

Aw, fuck it. Let's just eat the rich like we always do at this time. Let's start by crying some real tears for rich ladies who are still rich enough to employ personal shoppers at an hourly rate that equates to a full day's wages for many people, yet need those personal shoppers to find them bargains because let's face it: the rich stay rich by fucking nickel-and-diming plenty of other people.

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